Know Your Worth

Desperation is something most people aren’t aware of when displaying it. Be cautious how you treat your person of interest. Here’s my story of how a guy who went from fun to annoying real quick.

Last year I went to a Christmas party with an old friend who’s also a fwb. We kinda agreed to go to this party together but mind you, this guy has a gf. He said he told her he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore but they live together for convenience. As I stood by a corner  drinking my drink and talking to my fwb, I look over and this very handsome man with threads is smiling at me huge and waves hello. I look at my date and ask if he knows him, thinking he was saying hello to him. Before I know it, this guy has me twirling on the dance floor making my night way more fun! He tells me that he asked my friend if I had a bf and he said no, not that he knew. He also said he had a gf. Still not sure if that part is true. Either way my fwb definitely didn’t stand up for himself and say “Back up dude, she’s with me”, or something along those lines. Wouldn’t you want to protect or keep things clear if someone is trying to steal your date?

Anyways, Mr. Dreads and I take a break from dancing and sit on a nearby sofa. We chat for awhile. I then get up to go to the bathroom and see my FWB guy grabbing his coat and getting ready to leave. I loudly say “What are you doing? NO, don’t leave”, he tells me he thought I had already left. I tell him ” I’m going to the bathroom, don’t leave!” and sure enough when I came back out he was gone.

At this point I’m pretty tipsy. My new date is not. He doesn’t really drink heavy. We go back to his place (which I was thankful for because I was in no condition to drive home) which was very very close.  The more time I spend with him, the more I think this guy is so wonderful. Next morning, I wake up thinking OMG this guy has HUGE threads! Definitely someone out not my type.  I discover he’s a stock broker, who bought an investment house, rents out the first floor and lives on the second floor. So he was smart with money and seemed ambitious. He was also a DJ. His decor of his house wasn’t bad and he had lots of love for his cats. I literally thought, wow, I finally met someone decent and worth my time. Before I walk out the door this guy tells me he’s ready for a girlfriend and I’m like “Oh, really?” and he immediately says “Yeah but not with you”, I must of had the face of WTF. WTF

Then he tells me he’s looking for a Jewish girlfriend and I reply with “cool”. Well after that day, this guy has tried constantly to hangout again. I went out with him twice after our first night and then I was done. He tried to convince me to play with his circumcision scar because if caused him extra sensation  (I was so grossed out and said nooo). His hair also smelled like dirty laundry. When he was at my house he tried on my robe because it looked cozy. Well he left my robe smelling like BO even though he had showered.  I was so over this guy. On top of that he thought he was super smart when in fact he wasn’t as knowledgeable  as he thought. He was four years younger than me but still. Even though there was all these weird things, I still appreciated that he allowed himself to be vulnerable by showing he wanted affection and intimacy. What ended his streak and hit him blindsided was that he didn’t see what I saw  and that was the fact that he was feeling lonely and bored. His constant attempts of hanging out even after I declined nicely, showed this wasn’t about me. This wasn’t that he missed me, or that he wanted to see me. This was strictly him reaching out to fulfill his emptiness; he was bored and didn’t feel like having to meet a new girl to talk to. He thought I was easy and fun.  After I got tired of saying no, I finally said a FINAL no and explained a little on how I was feeling. He finally understood once I told him I didn’t want to be a choice out of boredom but a real choice. I could have looked passed all the bad qualities but I value myself more than to spend it with someone who doesn’t value me for me.

 

LEARN TO VALUE YOUR TIME!

If my date isn’t providing me with entertainment, passion or laughter then he’s not worthy of my time. This might sound selfish but in reality we have to do the things that make us HAPPY! Life is too short to go on shitty dates, Life is too busy to waste it on people that are negative, or bland. Life is about taking chances, but also choosing wisely! Dating isn’t easy but one way to start conquering it, is by making YOU HAPPY first!! Don’t forget that!

TIPS FOR MEN AND WOMEN ON HOW NOT TO LOOK DESPERATE:

  1. Don’t over call, don’t over text, don’t do it!!!
  2. If he or she says no the first time you invite them somewhere, wait for them to try to make plans with you instead
  3. If you ask a second time, don’t ask a third, wait for them to make the plans with you. If they truly want to see you, they will put the effort in making that happen. Don’t waste your time chasing who doesn’t want to be chased.
  4. If speak on the phone and end on a good note, don’t call back a few hours later when you are free. Allow the other person to have their space, and miss you. Don’t get them tired of you before they even get to know you. A little conversation here, allows for longer conversations later.
  5. Don’t tell your lady/guy that you are bored. No one wants to be with someone who isn’t motivated to do anything on their own. At this age in day, no one should be bored.
  6. Don’t make the other person feel like they are your only choice, your last choice, or a choice out of boredome
  7. Appear to be busier than you really are. It’s nice to not know all your shit or at least try guessing what you are up to. Leave your shit to the imagination. This creates lust for one another. I don’t need a diary page of what you did today. No one gives a shit.
  8. Have deeper conversations and if you can’t have an intellectual conversation to keep him or her interested than make sure you are making them laugh or making them feel relaxed and at ease.
  9. Offer a massage, foot rub, or something thoughtful. We gravitate towards people who show empathy.
  10. Don’t text her/him as soon as you wake up and don’t text good night. Unless you are in a serious committed relationship, DON’T TEXT those type of messages. Shows you have nothing better to do. Always appear busy. We like people who are striving to be better at life, and bettering themselves.
  11. Don’t send a bunch of selfies and your dick. We get that you like your muscles and your dick.

 

Being Single Is A Choice

ALONE AND HAPPY IN TODAY’S AGE

What does it mean to be alone aka single and happy in the 21st century? Well let me paint you a picture. It means you get to come home to no expectations, to no demands, to no plans, to be welcomed by your dogs who adore you from head to toe, who love you unconditionally, who don’t judge you, who listen, who keeps you warm inside and out, who make you feel safe, who give you a push when you need it and are always happy to be with you. I think the moment we learn to love ourselves more than anyone else we can learn to enjoy life as our OWN, and not as someone else’s. Cheers to being ALONE AND HAPPY!

As a human, a female human, I realize women suck. That’s right, I said it! Men are pretty simple. They want sex, food, and sleep. Women, we want it to look like A, taste like B, and feel like C. We go from one extreme to the other. One minute we want a man who’s going to make it worth it in the bedroom, the next we want a husband figure who’s going to keep us interested past the sex and help you with housework (you can blame mother nature and our hormones for that).

This past week I feel like I got a first row ticket to my own drama that lacked the bloody ending but kept me in the shadow from knowing why I was acting the way I was. I went from having one of the best sex in my life with someone who I would see every three days to not caring at all about sex, nor about anyone else except myself. Our every three day schedule disappeared this past week. We saw each other Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The only alone days I had was Monday and Thursday. I didn’t get to do anything on my To Do list, and I had missed the gym several times, not to mention missed on the opportunity to write on the blog. I didn’t know it until today (the following week) that I was feeling suffocated. This man who I’m seeing is the nicest guy! So sweet, so understanding, open minded, supportive, and easy going. One of my favorite things about him or us, is that we just laugh so much at the stupidest things. We don’t have much in common but we are constantly laughing and enjoying the present. He told me this Sunday that he felt I was distant for a few days now. I think I felt it too but didn’t know I was doing such thing, nor that it had a face. When asked what was going on, I got a flashback to the feelings I felt towards the last Fuckboy in my life (someone who I had shared my space with and saw more regularly).  I felt like even though he was a fuckboy, he made me feel free in my own home and our time together felt right.

Here I was comparing cuddling watching a series with my new boo to sitting next to a Fuckboy who read his book, while I read mine. Why was I happier with this Fuckboy who didn’t and doesn’t deserve me? How could something much colder and distant feel more right? The reality is that I’ve discovered that  I’m happier alone. I’m happier doing me. I love reading, I never have enough time to read, and by him reading, it gave me the chance to also read. Sounds like a bad excuse but in my eyes it’s a shared valuable time. I don’t need to be held all night to feel special. I get that from my dogs. I get all the kisses and cuddles from them, why do I need it from a human? Some people really do but I think I’m more of a giver than a receiver. I rather give affection, then receive it in physical touch. This is how self-love looks like being alone and happy.

When you realize you prefer to be alone, to work on yourself rather than play boyfriend and girlfriend is the moment you know you need to focus more on yourself to reach satisfaction and goals. In this time of age, do we even have time to be lonely and feel lonely? From having house chores, social media, memes, texting, reddit, blogging, tv series, podcast, hobbies, social invites, gym, cooking, pets, etc….how in the world do we find time to even date working 40 hours a week and working on yourself? The thick cloud filled with baby making thoughts and family plans that hovers over most people doesn’t float over me. Perhaps that’s the difference between you and me. You have this expectation that it should be like this or look like this by this certain time and date but I don’t. Therefore the equation is completed by x= me, making me feel happy being single! Stop having expectations and you too will find being alone and happy a possible thing!

HERE’S A GREAT VIDEO ON TIPS HOW TO FEEL HAPPY BEING ALONE AND LOVING YOURSELF! SO IMPORTANT!  How To Be Single and Happy by Isabel Palacios

 

 

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