Spring cleaning was in the air, I too was feeling like starting over, cleaning out the closet, dropping relationships that didn’t serve me, and breaking bad habits. I found myself evaluating where I was, what I wanted, why I wasn’t happy and how to change it.
I realized a lot on my to do list, never got done because I always mismanaged time. I also noticed that I was constantly looking down. God knows how it was affecting my posture, my brain cells, my ability to react to my present if I was so glued to my phone. I was getting very annoyed with all the interactions coming thru my phone last week, and the failed expectations I was experiencing when I didn’t hear from someone. I had created unrealistic expectations for people that didn’t function like me. I was creating an escape from my life into a never ending scrolling thru Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, or constant convos going back and forth thru KIK, Messenger, Texting and Whatsapp. Even Amazon and Ebay were constantly visited. Shopping has never been so easy. Love my Amazon Prime but even that was addicting. Before I knew it I was wasting an hour or two searching for the best reviews, best price, best shipping etc. This phone addiction was past Etsy and Pinterest scrolling, and extended to Posh, FB marketplace, and dating apps.
Then last week after a horrible Monday, I made the big decision. I finally had the big push to turn off my phone . I realized I needed a change. So I decided to break it off, (squeezy clean type of a break), with a guy I had been seeing for about six months plus. He was obviously not going to give me what I wanted in a relationship, and I was giving my all to someone who didn’t deserve me. I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt to end it. It was a very sad moment, a moment where I didn’t care about anyone else, because all I could feel was sadness. I kept thinking about all the great moments we had and how no longer will there be an “us”. I kept thinking of all the new friends we made together and how awkward it will be or how crazy jealous I will feel if I see him again with someone else around the same circle of friends. It’s hard ending a relationship, especially when it was really good one, no fighting and great chemistry. I think it would be easier if the relationship had turned shitty and painful but it wasn’t like that. It lacked commitment, real love, thoughtfulness. Qualities that you must have in a long term relationship. It no longer served me or supported me in my future, so I said “Good bye”.
Once I shut my phone off, I felt so relieved. I didn’t have to worry about getting disappointed because x didn’t text me, and I didn’t have to worry about having friends trying to make plans with us, and could avoid having to deal with this breakup. Without realizing it, I was really breaking up with my phone. I then all of a sudden found myself looking for my phone, as if it had been a child and needed to be bottle fed. I was now FREE, liberated from the constant attention I felt I needed to give my phone. I had so much more extra time! I could be more present, absorb everything around me. I found myself seeing details around me that I hadn’t noticed before. I went for a run at the park with my dogs and all the sounds and visuals were so alive, so loud, so vibrant. I was present and felt so much appreciation for my eyesight, my touch, my hearing. I felt gratitude. Pure bliss.
A day later of turning my phone off, I got an email from Lewis Howes announcing his next podcast with visiting professor Cal Newport, who recently wrote a book on phone addiction, ‘The Power of Digital Detox’. Of course I went and listened immediately. All the things he said made sense. He advised to take a MONTH OFF your phone. So right there, I decided to do a PHONE DETOX for a full month. I think it’s the only way of breaking the habit of me reaching for my phone, as if it was a cigarette.
