First Step In Fighting Phone Addiction

Spring cleaning was in the air, I too was feeling like starting over, cleaning out the closet, dropping relationships that didn’t serve me, and breaking bad habits. I found myself evaluating where I was, what I wanted, why I wasn’t happy and how to change it.

 

I realized a lot on my to do list, never got done because I always mismanaged time. I also noticed that I was constantly looking down. God knows how it was affecting my posture, my brain cells, my ability to react to my present if I was so glued to my phone. I was getting very annoyed with all the interactions coming thru my phone last week, and the failed expectations I was experiencing when I didn’t hear from someone. I had created unrealistic expectations for people that didn’t function like me. I was creating an escape from my life into a never ending scrolling thru Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, or constant convos going back and forth thru KIK, Messenger, Texting and Whatsapp. Even Amazon and Ebay were constantly visited. Shopping has never been so easy. Love my Amazon Prime but even that was addicting. Before I knew it I was wasting an hour or two searching for the best reviews, best price, best shipping etc. This phone addiction was past Etsy and Pinterest scrolling, and extended to Posh, FB marketplace, and dating apps.

Then last week after a horrible Monday, I made the big decision. I finally had the big push to turn off my phone . I realized I needed a change. So I decided to break it off, (squeezy clean type of a break), with a guy I had been seeing for about six months plus. He was obviously not going to give me what I wanted in a relationship, and I was giving my all to someone who didn’t deserve me. I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt to end it. It was a very sad moment, a moment where I didn’t care about anyone else, because all I could feel was sadness. I kept thinking about all the great moments we had and how no longer will there be an “us”. I kept thinking of all the new friends we made together and how awkward it will be or how crazy jealous I will feel if I see him again with someone else around the same circle of friends. It’s hard ending a relationship, especially when it was really good one, no fighting and great chemistry. I think it would be easier if the relationship had turned shitty and painful but it wasn’t like that. It lacked commitment, real love, thoughtfulness. Qualities that you must have in a long term relationship. It no longer served me or supported me in my future, so I said “Good bye”.

Boy Bye Gif

Once I shut my phone off, I felt so relieved. I didn’t have to worry about getting disappointed because x didn’t text me, and I didn’t have to worry about having friends trying to make plans with us, and could avoid having to deal with this breakup. Without realizing it, I was really breaking up with my phone. I then all of a sudden found myself looking for my phone, as if it had been a child and needed to be bottle fed. I was now FREE, liberated from the constant attention I felt I needed to give my phone. I had so much more extra time! I could be more present, absorb everything around me. I found myself seeing details around me that I hadn’t noticed before. I went for a run at the park with my dogs and all the sounds and visuals were so alive, so loud, so vibrant. I was present and felt so much appreciation for my eyesight, my touch, my hearing. I felt gratitude. Pure bliss.

A day later of turning my phone off, I got an email from Lewis Howes announcing his next podcast with visiting professor Cal Newport, who recently wrote a book on phone addiction, ‘The Power of Digital Detox’. Of course I went and listened immediately. All the things he said made sense. He advised to take a MONTH OFF your phone. So right there, I decided to do a PHONE DETOX for a full month. I think it’s the only way of breaking the habit of me reaching for my phone, as if it was a cigarette.

Now “my happy” psychological reward points are the feeling of accomplishment with every task done. Definitely a better feeling than the social media notifications. I hope with this new challenge, I will grow into a better and stronger person where I can live within silence, stillness, and boredomness, feeling secure, fulfilled, and content. For I will be completely complete with my present and self.

Dinner Talk with a Fuckboy

When a Fuckboy Ex Lover Takes Me out to Dinner…..

It’s not often I get the luxury visit from my all time favorite fuckboy. Not cuz he’s good at fucking but because he makes every minute with him worth while. He radiates with happiness, good humor, sex talk, intellectual conversation, and pretty much reminds me of myself. This video definitely doesn’t show the good side of him or the good humor.

At this point I have discovered he is definitely not for me for the long run, or even short term. He’s just someone I enjoy talking to and sharing time with. We have a similar approach to life and share similar theories and believes. Here’s a clip from our dinner conversation where he’s sharing how he fuck hates, or hate fucks, (whatever it’s called) to his baby’s momma. I  had asked him why he doesn’t marry his baby’s momma and he proceeded to tell me how he can’t stand her. She visited him from the other side of the world for the first time and  stayed with him for a little bit, maybe 2-3 weeks and this is how he reacted when I asked him. Please note I don’t agree with what comes out of his mouth. I think true hate, creates disgust nor do I commend any violence or desires of violence. Post this video, he spoke about pheromones and how he thought that was the only way and reason why his body reacts so intense to her sexually.

Dinner talk with fuckboy on Vimeo.

 

Can You Have a Relationship with a Fuckboy?

Can you truly have a relationship with a fuckboy? I don’t know. I ask myself this tonight, while I laid next to a man who I find very similar to myself in someways but who I also can’t stand for how they feel about women. Have you ever met a man so charming, handsome, fun, so perfect that when you are with him, you feel special, you feel like you want to be with them regardless of the bullshit? He sings songs out of the blue, brightens your time during your date, he dances with you until closing time, he cooks for you, he cleans the house why you are gone, he’s adventurous in bed and he’s intellectual! How can one person be all these wonder things and also want to sleep with 30 other women? Ok, maybe not 30 but you get the drift.

From all the research I have done, all the podcast I have listened to, all the men I’ve met, I’m not afraid of sharing. I’m not against knowing that my partner will be aroused by another woman, there are much larger problems a relationship can have than sharing someone sexually. Sex is sex. Cheating is a different story. Cheating is lying and being deceitful. Something I’m highly against. Having an open relationship, is having a relationship with your best friend, someone you can share anything and everything without judgement. So If I can become best friends with this fuckboy, could I be happy? Could we be happy? Am i delusional?

I think we are living on the time when monogamy is dead. We no longer are getting married for money, or stability. Women have been able to support themselves. Why do we need to be in a relationship with one person forever? I agree if you want to make a family you probably should be with that person forever or until your children are grown but what if you don’t want children, what if you don’t want to get married, all you want is a partner, a friend, a companion? Can a fuckboy be this if you come to the agreement of having an open relationship? Could it work in the long term? A relationship based on truth, honesty, and passion to me is a remedy for a healthy long relationship? But what are the risks? Like in any relationship there are always risks. One of the biggest concerns with me would be the increased probability in STD’s.  But if we didn’t have to worry about that, could more people be driven and desire OPEN RELATIONSHIPS? I believe so, I think naturally we wouldn’t mind more than one partner but social norms have made it into this 1:1 ratio.

I think it’s about honesty and trust……..if you have those things anything is possible but without it you are better off being alone than in a relationship with a fuckboy.fuckboy couple.jpg

 

Fuckboy 101: How to identify a fuckboy — The Fine Oyinbo

My first love was a fuckboy. If you know any psychology, you would see how this screwed my mind. I was naive and eager at that time. Apparently, he knew that and used it to his advantage. So he dished out his crap and I lapped it all up with hearts in my eyes. And […]

via Fuckboy 101: How to identify a fuckboy — The Fine Oyinbo