Johnny Depp 1.1

Johnny Depp 1.1

happy New year

Holidays should be to be spent with close friends or family. So when Johnny Depp invited me to spend New Year’s Eve with him I was pretty surprised. I thought he would be spending it with guy friends at a club but instead he tells me that he’s meeting another girl from Bumble. I almost threw up in my mouth. She was a Mexican girl that was interested in hooking up with another chic so she would be cool if I came along and not pressured in doing anything is what he said. She was also bringing a girlfriend, so I agreed in going, figuring it would be fine, and that we would get along since she was Latina.

 

….AT THE CLUB

She turned out to be much younger than me, not really my type of person I would choose to hang out with but I went along for the opportunity in going somewhere fun since I didn’t have any other plans. He told me “I must not try to control him because he didn’t belong to anyone”, which is fair since I knew previously that he didn’t believe in monogamy. We took a group picture at the entrance of the club, which was awkward. He looked like a pimp with three girls.  I immediately began dancing with someone else as he tried to bounce back and forth between dancing with me and hanging the other girls. Towards the end of the night, they were blasted. They all passed out on the sofa. I left them all at her house.

 

…THE NEXT DAY

The guy I had met at the club texted me and invited me out for breakfast. When he picked me up he definitely didn’t look as good looking as I had remembered. As I sat with him, I kept thinking of the night before and how I had glanced over to Johnny and the girls and she and him were making out and how it made me feel. It was strange. It felt like a battle inside my body. My body boiled with anger but my mind calmly cooled me off, as I kept telling myself “He’s a Fuckboy, no one worth having feelings for!” and it worked. Breakfast was delicious but my date definitely had a different agenda and way of thinking than me. He was looking for THE ONE, and I couldn’t imagine seeing the same person every day. Johnny Depp then texted me while I was having breakfast. Being the open person I am, I told my date about the text. He said he wasn’t sure if Johnny Depp was my boyfriend from the club but figured I was single since I had accepted to exchange numbers. I then realized that I had only exchanged numbers to get my mind off of the situation I was in. As if having options would make it better, so stupid, I know. Having to share a date, was something I was not use to nor had any idea how to feel or act. Depp continuously started texting me begging me to come over to this girl’s house, I refused and said if he wants to see me badly he would have to  Uber over to mine. So he did.

We had picked up a bottle of vodka the night before, so when he came over we began drinking. He put music on and we danced for hours. Slowly I began to fall deep for him. His soul is so bright, always smiling and moving to the music as if it would run through his blood. We filmed each other dancing and were having a great time day drinking. He sat down to take a break and was on his phone. I then sat on his lap and he began to tell me that the girl from the night before was on her way over. I literally jumped of him and went crazy Latina on him. I couldn’t understand why he would ruin what we were having to include someone else. I got so mad that I slapped him. He was in shock but didn’t yell at me for doing it, then he told me he had been joking and accused me of being jealous and was testing me.

Is it natural to be jealous if monogamy is not natural? I think jealously is natural. It’s the feeling of losing what we have or think we have. It’s an instinctive reaction that is hard to control but just cause it’s real, it doesn’t mean monogamy is natural. His cruel joke was like ice cold water splashed in my face to wake the fuck up and stop any deep emotions for this man that clearly will never be truly mine. Most women wouldn’t waste their time or energy talking to a Fuckboy but the way he makes me feel when we are together is like no other. So if I live my life as it’s my last day, why not spend it happy even if it’s for one day or two?

In order to protect myself emotionally, I do things different and have zero expectations from him. I don’t text him Hi, How are you conversations, nor do I text him asking him personal questions, pretty much treat him like I don’t give a fuck about him and it works! Very rarely do I send him a meme. Then when he’s in town he contacts me to set a date or make plans. He’s very caring, in the sense of gifting me things that are special to him. So he’s not entirely a fuckboy nor do I even consider him a true fuckboy. He’s my Johnny Depp. He has a lot of negative attributes, and I will never let him break my heart, nor my soul, I’m better than that. I don’t have heart when it comes to him. I can’t identify what I have for Johnny Depp, all I know is that he makes me laugh with his stories, and looks at me like I’m melting ice cream. My advice is do what makes you happy for the present but always put yourself first.  We are all on different stages in life, do what makes sense to who you are today and what makes you happy and can’t hurt you. Also always use protection!

Fuckboy Story – Johnny Depp 1.0

Getting to know Fuckboy #1…

His name is Johnny Depp. I met him on bumble last year. He was one of those guys who captures your attention for being original on his post, not a perv immediately, and steers away from your normal boring conversation of getting to know some one like what do you do for work, how many siblings do you have, etc. He was dressed really casual and I wasn’t really impressed. After our casual beer date, we decided to go check out a dive bar that was recommended to us by a local. I had no plans of drinking heavy but he immediately requested Tequila shots, and drinks. Before I knew it, we were connecting like butter and bread. The way he looked at me, made me melt and he was filled with such contagious energy that we fled into the dance floor and danced the night away. So far this was the most exciting and promising Bumble date I had at this time.

A few days later I invited him over for dinner. It was an evening in November so it was cold. He walked into my house in a leather jacket, with his hair slicked to the side but hanging a little over his face, and all I kept thinking was omg this man must be cold, why is he wearing a leather jacket? For some reason I don’t think leather jackets are warm enough for a bitter winter. We sat at my round dining table, with dimmed lights, and had a deep intellectual conversation. I even think I had classical music playing in the background. We bounced back and forth our thoughts on dating, mating, and relationships. In the middle, we discovered that we both shared the same favorite book which is so rare. For me this was magical. It was one of those weird moments that you want to pinch yourself to see if it was real. This book was Sex At Dawn.

I want to talk a little bit about this book before I continue with my story. This book has mold me into the person I am today. I’m very different to who I was before I got married. I’ve grown so much. I can better understand the psychology of men and women, and why it’s hard to have a long term marriage/relationship with only one person. I understand how jealousy works, and I have learn to accept the truth, which is women co-exist better with other women then men. Cohabitating with the same sex has and is how it is in most of all ancient and indigenous cultures. To me this is so important to know, because I can better understand myself, my needs, and the nature of humankind. I definitely recommend  Sex At Dawn by Dr. Chris Ryan. I could keep going talking about the book in more details but this post isn’t about the book. So I’m going to stop right here and continue my story with Johnny Depp…

The entire night, this stranger who didn’t tell me much about his personal life during our first date, was jumping off his seat telling me stories about his life, his ex girlfriend (aka. who I remind him of (Rolling eyes emoji), his marijuana business, his inability to be attainable,  his ability to like all types of women for different reasons, his experience with women always wanting to feel special therefore never being able to be ok with handling an open relationship. He was in the Navy for many years, and from his stories he was definitely a playboy in his travels with his boys Rolling eyes emoji.  I immediately felt like I had finally met someone on Bumble that looked at sex in a similar way and wasn’t a judgemental and jealous type (which I hate).

A week later as we continued talking via text I realized he hated small talk, he was a bit of a dick, and he was definitely someone that I could not have a loving relationship with. He showed no empathy, and could careless what I did during my week (even though he would disappear for a few days and then text me asking how I was). After a week or two, we both had to travel to Florida. He was in the upper peninsula and I was like 6 hours away. He almost made plans to spend christmas with me and my family (which would had been weird and awkward explaining who the fuck he was). Thank god he decided to visit his family in a nearby state instead. I was already feeling stressed of having to deal with my family and the sleeping situation. Where would he sleep, did I have to rush and buy him a xmas gift? Either way, I recall telling him I was sick, or something and he responding something shitty. I blew up on him and pretty much told him to fuck off.  At this point I was so over this Bumble guy but  the next day he texted me apologizing, using the excuse that he had been drinking and didn’t mean to be so cold with me. Blah, blah, blah. I then returned to winter hell and was planning on spending New Year’s Eve at home alone since I was still trying to get over a cold. To my surprised Johnny Depp had a plan, a sneaky plan, that is pretty much the foreshadowing of who he turned out to be…..

(SEE BLOG JOHNNY DEPP 1.1 for continued story)