Investing Your Time Wisely In Dating

How can we become smarter at who we chose to spend our evenings with and how can we make it worth our time?

Being a Millennial and being single is not easy! Especially being newly divorced and playing catch up with the dynamics of dating again. There are countless apps for online dating.  They can become addicting and take over your life before you know it. The only one that seems to keep your inbox emptier and under control is Bumble.

Each year our lives are more connected electronically. With the rise of cryptocurrency this past year, I’m pretty certain that being connected thru the internet will only become stronger and needed in our society even more so than what it already is. Social media is bottom line addictive. Studies show show how checking our phones produces endorphins and send happy wave messages to our brain, making us repeat it over and over again for that reward feeling. I’ve tried several times to de -attach myself from these online outlets but the struggle is real!! I can’t seem to cut off my online dating app even though every time I swipe it’s mostly to the left and maybe 1 in 100 to the right.  Why can’t I stop relying on this app to meet someone special. So far I just keep getting disappointed or regretting agreeing to a date. I get home and look around and have a long list of things I should had been doing instead of going on a date with the wrong person.

I’m very picky with men I see, so when meeting someone in person isn’t as rewarding as you thought it would be, it’s almost a blow at your gut. I’m guilty of  being a strong believer in giving people a chance even though I normally judge a book by it’s cover.

Looks aren’t everything. A man should be able to be intellectual and entertaining to keep my attention, or he should be a good dancer so I don’t run off with someone else. Lol.  Even if the date is great, but the post sex sucks, how can you avoid having bad sex? How can we be so picky but wise enough to give a good guy a chance and see if he can make you laugh until your stomach hurts, or leaves you with your brain sparked? I think I’ve realized that I’m not being picky enough. Too many wasted dates so far. My laundry is piling up and I still haven’t vacuumed. I think the trick is to really start paying attention on the type of conversations you are having before meeting. What things do you have in common and how do they measure up to your NEED QUALITY LIST?

This weekend I went on a date with someone that my intuition told me wasn’t going to be good and OH BOY wasn’t I right. Not only was I right but more disappointed. Nothing like calling it out and then being shown in person your predictions. I know it’s not nice to stereotype people but at the end of the day, we are talking about odds. I knew this guy would be catholic and republican all based on where he was from and I DON’T think or act like either of those things, so why would I waste my time with someone I had zero common interest? The guy never answered my question about either prior, instead he responded with a witty answer avoiding to answer. I thought it was a smart move and figured I might as well give it a try, seconding guessing my intuition. He wasn’t as good looking as he was in his pictures and he had a horrible face scar that I never saw on his pictures (which wasn’t bad- more like a turnon) but it bothered me that I wasn’t made aware of it, or that it almost felt hidden from me. We danced a little and then he invited me over. As soon as I walked into his apartment I wanted to walk out. It was pretty empty, as if he had just moved there. There was a hammer on his nightstand (he said he used it for protection), and pretty much everything was blah, except for one photograph of a ski hill that I felt drawn to. His apartment was as boring as his personality. Which should had been a clue to how the sex would be too. He got tired quick and he doesn’t wear deodorant, so his body odor was horrible. I wanted to shower asap to get his smell off me. He didn’t care to please me, and his dick stopped working in the middle of it. He told me he needed medication but didn’t’ want to take it. So I insisted for him to take it. I didn’t go through all that trouble to be left with nothing but even after he took it, the sex didn’t last long. I quickly after asked him to take me back to my car. There was no way in hell I was staying over with him.

My decision to give me a chance was all due to the fact that my hormones were raging. It’s not easy being in your 30’s. Lol. So now I ask myself how can I stop myself from making similar mistakes? So now when I get this little negative thoughts in my head about a potential date, I will make sure to start listening cuz most likely your intuition knows better than your heart or pussy does.

We need to reevaluate how we pick them, and stop worrying about stereotyping. Follow your intuition. It know’s it’s shit. Don’t waste your time with someone who’s not going to add to your life in a positive way.

Believing in Love, Marriage, and Soulmates

I write a lot about Fuckboys and dating but it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in true love or soulmates. In my opinion most of society is married to the wrong person, like I myself did years ago. You get married because this person says they love you and want to spend forever with you. You marry them because from the first time you held hands you felt protected and happy. You marry them because they made you laugh and feel special. At the end there is no guarantee it will always feel that special and real, the only guarantee is the present. Sometimes we turn the other cheek when presented with facts such as enormous amounts of differences between you and your partner. We don’t want to see the negative, we avoid accepting that we want different things, but we try to work through it by thinking we will be together no matter what. In reality we don’t marry our soulmates, we just marry a person who at the time makes us very happy and content.

Untitled design

When I tell women men and women all cheat, except for 5-10% they don’t want to believe me. Even happy couples cheat, even poly couples, and even people in open relationships. It’s a human nature defective. People searching for this adventure, longing, secrecy that enhances the passion by being forbidden. Author and psychologist Esther Perel explains cheating and contemporary relationships. She reminds us the definition of infidelity keeps expanding from sexting, watching porn, massage parlors to full affairs. What arises from these lust attractions are temporary and will eventually fade away because it’s rooted from guilt.

In my opinion there is still hope and I’m a strong believer that true love does exist out there but a very tiny amount of the population have the ability to love one person and that person only forever. You can see true love when someone looks at their partner with the most admiration, love, appreciation and desire, when it’s so clear that they feel truly lucky to be sharing their life and present with their other half.  Like this couple Robert and Pasha. When the love is real, I think you can start feeling it very quickly. Meeting your soulmate must feel like when you look in the mirror but instead you are looking into your partner’s eyes. It’s this strong union that feels like addiction and completes you.

Pasha talks about how it’s not complicated and if you are scrambling for words or asking for advice from friends on how to respond to your guy, it’s not a good sign and I TOTALLY AGREE!! Talking to your spouse should feel so natural, so easy. One because it should feel as comfortable as you talking to yourself. I know that sounds weird but just go with me. You have no fears when speaking your thoughts in your head, and that’s how it should feel. When talking to your other half, it should be a judgement free zone, a place where you can say stuff and it will be an easy conversation and not turn into a fight.

Falling in love is beautiful and dangerous because at one point you forget about yourself and you worry more about the other person’s feelings, needs, and dreams. You forget who you are. The solution to this hopeless romantic story would be finding someone who doesn’t let you forget who you are, someone who’s constantly pushing you further, encouraging your dreams, who’s there for you, who doesn’t give up on you, someone who makes you stronger, happier, and healthier mentally and physically.

Choose LOVE but make sure it’s with someone who values you to the core and makes your life a better one with them in it. Someone who doesn’t add to your stress and takes advantage of your kindness. Love is selfless, patient, and kind. Choose someone who looks at you like you are the most special thing on this planet and treats you with respect, protects you, and wants to be with you. Being together should not feel like a chore, it should make you feel so lucky to be with this person next to you. 

Don’t give your heart to a Fuckboy! Choose wisely.

Fuckboy Story – Johnny Depp 1.2

 

three in car.jpg

ADVENTURE, DISAPPOINTMENT, AND WAKE THE FUCK UP CALL

Like always, out of the blue, Johnny Depp texts me inviting me to come see him in Chicago and go with him to a swinger’s party. He says he’s never been and wants to check it out. I agree to go just to see what it’s all about as a social study researcher. I will not include all the details of this party but will mention the fuckboy parts. It was a 4 hour drive to see Johnny Depp. I spent 2 hours on the phone with another Fuckboy from bumble who seemed very intriguing, intelligent and had a very similar mind structure as mine. I was pumped to get back to my city to meet him but also looking forward to seeing Johnny again. When I get to the house, Johnny is literally in the bathroom. Any other man, I would probably get so grossed out, and want to leave but with him, it’s like I’ve known him forever. He had ordered a lot of different options for Chinese food for me (which was very thoughtful) but he rushed me to eat saying we had to be at the party at 8pm. As I ate my food, he turned to me and said “I have something to tell you but you have to promise not to get crazy man”, I dropped my fork and waited in anticipation with my nerves jumping up and down. He says “I have a girl who I use to hook up with in X state when I use to live there and she’s visiting a friend and wants to see me before she leaves. She also wants to go to this party. Me and her use to have a profile on a site. I promise this isn’t me pushing another threesome, and I promise I won’t sleep with her. Can she come with us?” I WAS FURIOUS! I YELLED AND CURSED HIM OUT IN SPANISH, so many words I don’t even know what I said. Being the nice person I am, I felt bad that this girl wanted to go and my jealously would not let her come. So I said “There’s no fucking way I’m going to be second, so get that straight”, then he replied “Oh baby you won’t, I promise, and I’m not going to sleep with her”. Fifteen minutes later she shows up. MUCH younger than me. Early 20’s, and is dressed like a hippie, in floral dress, with a jean jacket, flat sandals, no make-up and long wavy hair like a flower child would have. I immediately felt less threaten. She was very sweet and friendly. I couldn’t believe I was AGAIN in the same situation sharing my date but this time I had driven 4 hours to see this piece of shit man.

All three of us had never been to this type of party. Let’s just say we were the only hot people there. Most were 35 plus of age, not in shape, and there was very little of people who were somewhat attractive. I won’t bore you with details. I’ll skip to the important parts. The next morning, she left the room to go cry in another. I whispered to Depp, “What’s wrong with her”, nothing had happened. We were sleeping and all of sudden she got up and went to cry. I then learned the next day that it was all a lie.

He had lied to me and her. He made up a story how she was in town for a girlfriend but in reality she had flown in from a different state to spend time with him and go to this party. He made her promise not to tell me and to go with this elaborate story, to the point of dropping her off at the nearest shopping store where she cried in a dressing room out of anger and feeling stuck. She was dropped off by an Uber so it would look like she had not been staying there.

At this point I was angry that I actually believed him but for some reason I understood why he had lied. Knowing me, I would decline and not go at all. At this point I realized his signature move was to be deceitful for his own pleasure. I hated that he didn’t have any consideration for this girl’s feelings. I didn’t tell him I knew until weeks later when he tried to proposed a different situation and wanted to create a profile for both of us. I stopped trusting him, and every word that came out of his mouth. He eventually got really upset with the other girl for telling me. He blocked her from his social media and stopped talking to her. When I tried to talk to him about apologizing to her he refused. We was mad that she had grown feelings and felt hurt at the situation. I think he’s an idiot for his comment but everyone has a right to how they feel. As a man, they think black and white, and for him she had crossed the line in having feelings. Even though she was more hurt how he treated her than feeling jealousy. Who would had known that a fuckboy would stray from emotional women and want a heartless bitch? Lol.

Be a heartless bitch to be happy with a fuckboy, cuz if you aren’t you might end up in a changing room at Goodwill crying your eyes out like this poor girl.

Johnny Depp 1.1

Johnny Depp 1.1

happy New year

Holidays should be to be spent with close friends or family. So when Johnny Depp invited me to spend New Year’s Eve with him I was pretty surprised. I thought he would be spending it with guy friends at a club but instead he tells me that he’s meeting another girl from Bumble. I almost threw up in my mouth. She was a Mexican girl that was interested in hooking up with another chic so she would be cool if I came along and not pressured in doing anything is what he said. She was also bringing a girlfriend, so I agreed in going, figuring it would be fine, and that we would get along since she was Latina.

 

….AT THE CLUB

She turned out to be much younger than me, not really my type of person I would choose to hang out with but I went along for the opportunity in going somewhere fun since I didn’t have any other plans. He told me “I must not try to control him because he didn’t belong to anyone”, which is fair since I knew previously that he didn’t believe in monogamy. We took a group picture at the entrance of the club, which was awkward. He looked like a pimp with three girls.  I immediately began dancing with someone else as he tried to bounce back and forth between dancing with me and hanging the other girls. Towards the end of the night, they were blasted. They all passed out on the sofa. I left them all at her house.

 

…THE NEXT DAY

The guy I had met at the club texted me and invited me out for breakfast. When he picked me up he definitely didn’t look as good looking as I had remembered. As I sat with him, I kept thinking of the night before and how I had glanced over to Johnny and the girls and she and him were making out and how it made me feel. It was strange. It felt like a battle inside my body. My body boiled with anger but my mind calmly cooled me off, as I kept telling myself “He’s a Fuckboy, no one worth having feelings for!” and it worked. Breakfast was delicious but my date definitely had a different agenda and way of thinking than me. He was looking for THE ONE, and I couldn’t imagine seeing the same person every day. Johnny Depp then texted me while I was having breakfast. Being the open person I am, I told my date about the text. He said he wasn’t sure if Johnny Depp was my boyfriend from the club but figured I was single since I had accepted to exchange numbers. I then realized that I had only exchanged numbers to get my mind off of the situation I was in. As if having options would make it better, so stupid, I know. Having to share a date, was something I was not use to nor had any idea how to feel or act. Depp continuously started texting me begging me to come over to this girl’s house, I refused and said if he wants to see me badly he would have to  Uber over to mine. So he did.

We had picked up a bottle of vodka the night before, so when he came over we began drinking. He put music on and we danced for hours. Slowly I began to fall deep for him. His soul is so bright, always smiling and moving to the music as if it would run through his blood. We filmed each other dancing and were having a great time day drinking. He sat down to take a break and was on his phone. I then sat on his lap and he began to tell me that the girl from the night before was on her way over. I literally jumped of him and went crazy Latina on him. I couldn’t understand why he would ruin what we were having to include someone else. I got so mad that I slapped him. He was in shock but didn’t yell at me for doing it, then he told me he had been joking and accused me of being jealous and was testing me.

Is it natural to be jealous if monogamy is not natural? I think jealously is natural. It’s the feeling of losing what we have or think we have. It’s an instinctive reaction that is hard to control but just cause it’s real, it doesn’t mean monogamy is natural. His cruel joke was like ice cold water splashed in my face to wake the fuck up and stop any deep emotions for this man that clearly will never be truly mine. Most women wouldn’t waste their time or energy talking to a Fuckboy but the way he makes me feel when we are together is like no other. So if I live my life as it’s my last day, why not spend it happy even if it’s for one day or two?

In order to protect myself emotionally, I do things different and have zero expectations from him. I don’t text him Hi, How are you conversations, nor do I text him asking him personal questions, pretty much treat him like I don’t give a fuck about him and it works! Very rarely do I send him a meme. Then when he’s in town he contacts me to set a date or make plans. He’s very caring, in the sense of gifting me things that are special to him. So he’s not entirely a fuckboy nor do I even consider him a true fuckboy. He’s my Johnny Depp. He has a lot of negative attributes, and I will never let him break my heart, nor my soul, I’m better than that. I don’t have heart when it comes to him. I can’t identify what I have for Johnny Depp, all I know is that he makes me laugh with his stories, and looks at me like I’m melting ice cream. My advice is do what makes you happy for the present but always put yourself first.  We are all on different stages in life, do what makes sense to who you are today and what makes you happy and can’t hurt you. Also always use protection!

Fuckboy Story – Johnny Depp 1.0

Getting to know Fuckboy #1…

His name is Johnny Depp. I met him on bumble last year. He was one of those guys who captures your attention for being original on his post, not a perv immediately, and steers away from your normal boring conversation of getting to know some one like what do you do for work, how many siblings do you have, etc. He was dressed really casual and I wasn’t really impressed. After our casual beer date, we decided to go check out a dive bar that was recommended to us by a local. I had no plans of drinking heavy but he immediately requested Tequila shots, and drinks. Before I knew it, we were connecting like butter and bread. The way he looked at me, made me melt and he was filled with such contagious energy that we fled into the dance floor and danced the night away. So far this was the most exciting and promising Bumble date I had at this time.

A few days later I invited him over for dinner. It was an evening in November so it was cold. He walked into my house in a leather jacket, with his hair slicked to the side but hanging a little over his face, and all I kept thinking was omg this man must be cold, why is he wearing a leather jacket? For some reason I don’t think leather jackets are warm enough for a bitter winter. We sat at my round dining table, with dimmed lights, and had a deep intellectual conversation. I even think I had classical music playing in the background. We bounced back and forth our thoughts on dating, mating, and relationships. In the middle, we discovered that we both shared the same favorite book which is so rare. For me this was magical. It was one of those weird moments that you want to pinch yourself to see if it was real. This book was Sex At Dawn.

I want to talk a little bit about this book before I continue with my story. This book has mold me into the person I am today. I’m very different to who I was before I got married. I’ve grown so much. I can better understand the psychology of men and women, and why it’s hard to have a long term marriage/relationship with only one person. I understand how jealousy works, and I have learn to accept the truth, which is women co-exist better with other women then men. Cohabitating with the same sex has and is how it is in most of all ancient and indigenous cultures. To me this is so important to know, because I can better understand myself, my needs, and the nature of humankind. I definitely recommend  Sex At Dawn by Dr. Chris Ryan. I could keep going talking about the book in more details but this post isn’t about the book. So I’m going to stop right here and continue my story with Johnny Depp…

The entire night, this stranger who didn’t tell me much about his personal life during our first date, was jumping off his seat telling me stories about his life, his ex girlfriend (aka. who I remind him of (Rolling eyes emoji), his marijuana business, his inability to be attainable,  his ability to like all types of women for different reasons, his experience with women always wanting to feel special therefore never being able to be ok with handling an open relationship. He was in the Navy for many years, and from his stories he was definitely a playboy in his travels with his boys Rolling eyes emoji.  I immediately felt like I had finally met someone on Bumble that looked at sex in a similar way and wasn’t a judgemental and jealous type (which I hate).

A week later as we continued talking via text I realized he hated small talk, he was a bit of a dick, and he was definitely someone that I could not have a loving relationship with. He showed no empathy, and could careless what I did during my week (even though he would disappear for a few days and then text me asking how I was). After a week or two, we both had to travel to Florida. He was in the upper peninsula and I was like 6 hours away. He almost made plans to spend christmas with me and my family (which would had been weird and awkward explaining who the fuck he was). Thank god he decided to visit his family in a nearby state instead. I was already feeling stressed of having to deal with my family and the sleeping situation. Where would he sleep, did I have to rush and buy him a xmas gift? Either way, I recall telling him I was sick, or something and he responding something shitty. I blew up on him and pretty much told him to fuck off.  At this point I was so over this Bumble guy but  the next day he texted me apologizing, using the excuse that he had been drinking and didn’t mean to be so cold with me. Blah, blah, blah. I then returned to winter hell and was planning on spending New Year’s Eve at home alone since I was still trying to get over a cold. To my surprised Johnny Depp had a plan, a sneaky plan, that is pretty much the foreshadowing of who he turned out to be…..

(SEE BLOG JOHNNY DEPP 1.1 for continued story)

Being Single Is A Choice

ALONE AND HAPPY IN TODAY’S AGE

What does it mean to be alone aka single and happy in the 21st century? Well let me paint you a picture. It means you get to come home to no expectations, to no demands, to no plans, to be welcomed by your dogs who adore you from head to toe, who love you unconditionally, who don’t judge you, who listen, who keeps you warm inside and out, who make you feel safe, who give you a push when you need it and are always happy to be with you. I think the moment we learn to love ourselves more than anyone else we can learn to enjoy life as our OWN, and not as someone else’s. Cheers to being ALONE AND HAPPY!

As a human, a female human, I realize women suck. That’s right, I said it! Men are pretty simple. They want sex, food, and sleep. Women, we want it to look like A, taste like B, and feel like C. We go from one extreme to the other. One minute we want a man who’s going to make it worth it in the bedroom, the next we want a husband figure who’s going to keep us interested past the sex and help you with housework (you can blame mother nature and our hormones for that).

This past week I feel like I got a first row ticket to my own drama that lacked the bloody ending but kept me in the shadow from knowing why I was acting the way I was. I went from having one of the best sex in my life with someone who I would see every three days to not caring at all about sex, nor about anyone else except myself. Our every three day schedule disappeared this past week. We saw each other Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The only alone days I had was Monday and Thursday. I didn’t get to do anything on my To Do list, and I had missed the gym several times, not to mention missed on the opportunity to write on the blog. I didn’t know it until today (the following week) that I was feeling suffocated. This man who I’m seeing is the nicest guy! So sweet, so understanding, open minded, supportive, and easy going. One of my favorite things about him or us, is that we just laugh so much at the stupidest things. We don’t have much in common but we are constantly laughing and enjoying the present. He told me this Sunday that he felt I was distant for a few days now. I think I felt it too but didn’t know I was doing such thing, nor that it had a face. When asked what was going on, I got a flashback to the feelings I felt towards the last Fuckboy in my life (someone who I had shared my space with and saw more regularly).  I felt like even though he was a fuckboy, he made me feel free in my own home and our time together felt right.

Here I was comparing cuddling watching a series with my new boo to sitting next to a Fuckboy who read his book, while I read mine. Why was I happier with this Fuckboy who didn’t and doesn’t deserve me? How could something much colder and distant feel more right? The reality is that I’ve discovered that  I’m happier alone. I’m happier doing me. I love reading, I never have enough time to read, and by him reading, it gave me the chance to also read. Sounds like a bad excuse but in my eyes it’s a shared valuable time. I don’t need to be held all night to feel special. I get that from my dogs. I get all the kisses and cuddles from them, why do I need it from a human? Some people really do but I think I’m more of a giver than a receiver. I rather give affection, then receive it in physical touch. This is how self-love looks like being alone and happy.

When you realize you prefer to be alone, to work on yourself rather than play boyfriend and girlfriend is the moment you know you need to focus more on yourself to reach satisfaction and goals. In this time of age, do we even have time to be lonely and feel lonely? From having house chores, social media, memes, texting, reddit, blogging, tv series, podcast, hobbies, social invites, gym, cooking, pets, etc….how in the world do we find time to even date working 40 hours a week and working on yourself? The thick cloud filled with baby making thoughts and family plans that hovers over most people doesn’t float over me. Perhaps that’s the difference between you and me. You have this expectation that it should be like this or look like this by this certain time and date but I don’t. Therefore the equation is completed by x= me, making me feel happy being single! Stop having expectations and you too will find being alone and happy a possible thing!

HERE’S A GREAT VIDEO ON TIPS HOW TO FEEL HAPPY BEING ALONE AND LOVING YOURSELF! SO IMPORTANT!  How To Be Single and Happy by Isabel Palacios

 

 

Alone and happy banner

 

Dealing with hurtful words and stopping him

Love Yourself More

ATTENTION LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t let a man hurt you! You are worth more! I know it seems impossible because when we care  for a man, we value him, therefore you give value to their words. Well you need to learn to STOP giving value to harsh hurtful words that come out of anger and a bad temper! Men and women say mean things when we are angry and most of the time we don’t mean it.

Most men use it as a tool to defend themselves and put themselves on top when they feel like they are losing a battle.  It’s in men’s genes to fight, therefore they will try to hurt you on purpose to make themselves feel better. Don’t ever let a man get to you. Wipe those tears! I’ve been there plenty of times myself and I’ve realized that all they do is fist fight you with words since they can’t physical hurt you.  If you find yourself being attacked with hateful words, turn around and YELL “FUCK YOU!” and walk away and give them the silent treatment! Everyone needs time to cool off. Don’t keep trying to defend yourself, it’s not worth it. Don’t try to attack them with their own medicine, it’s NOT WORTH IT! It’s literally a waste of time. No one solves anything when both of you are heated.  The best thing is to cut him in his anger train by stepping out of the situation calm and quickly.

Don’t let his words hurt you, because you know you are worth more! His words are WORTHLESS, you are strong, beautiful, smart, and worth so much more!  Don’t let him DISRESPECT YOU! YOU ARE A QUEEN! DON’T FORGET YOU DESERVE BETTER! As a result you will force himself to re-examine himself and his state by you removing yourself from that unhealthy and unloving situation, and you will stop that negativity to be showered over you.  Which is the most important thing. The less you heard of his hurtful words the better you will be in the long run! Put yourself first!