Believing in Love, Marriage, and Soulmates

I write a lot about Fuckboys and dating but it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in true love or soulmates. In my opinion most of society is married to the wrong person, like I myself did years ago. You get married because this person says they love you and want to spend forever with you. You marry them because from the first time you held hands you felt protected and happy. You marry them because they made you laugh and feel special. At the end there is no guarantee it will always feel that special and real, the only guarantee is the present. Sometimes we turn the other cheek when presented with facts such as enormous amounts of differences between you and your partner. We don’t want to see the negative, we avoid accepting that we want different things, but we try to work through it by thinking we will be together no matter what. In reality we don’t marry our soulmates, we just marry a person who at the time makes us very happy and content.

Untitled design

When I tell women men and women all cheat, except for 5-10% they don’t want to believe me. Even happy couples cheat, even poly couples, and even people in open relationships. It’s a human nature defective. People searching for this adventure, longing, secrecy that enhances the passion by being forbidden. Author and psychologist Esther Perel explains cheating and contemporary relationships. She reminds us the definition of infidelity keeps expanding from sexting, watching porn, massage parlors to full affairs. What arises from these lust attractions are temporary and will eventually fade away because it’s rooted from guilt.

In my opinion there is still hope and I’m a strong believer that true love does exist out there but a very tiny amount of the population have the ability to love one person and that person only forever. You can see true love when someone looks at their partner with the most admiration, love, appreciation and desire, when it’s so clear that they feel truly lucky to be sharing their life and present with their other half.  Like this couple Robert and Pasha. When the love is real, I think you can start feeling it very quickly. Meeting your soulmate must feel like when you look in the mirror but instead you are looking into your partner’s eyes. It’s this strong union that feels like addiction and completes you.

Pasha talks about how it’s not complicated and if you are scrambling for words or asking for advice from friends on how to respond to your guy, it’s not a good sign and I TOTALLY AGREE!! Talking to your spouse should feel so natural, so easy. One because it should feel as comfortable as you talking to yourself. I know that sounds weird but just go with me. You have no fears when speaking your thoughts in your head, and that’s how it should feel. When talking to your other half, it should be a judgement free zone, a place where you can say stuff and it will be an easy conversation and not turn into a fight.

Falling in love is beautiful and dangerous because at one point you forget about yourself and you worry more about the other person’s feelings, needs, and dreams. You forget who you are. The solution to this hopeless romantic story would be finding someone who doesn’t let you forget who you are, someone who’s constantly pushing you further, encouraging your dreams, who’s there for you, who doesn’t give up on you, someone who makes you stronger, happier, and healthier mentally and physically.

Choose LOVE but make sure it’s with someone who values you to the core and makes your life a better one with them in it. Someone who doesn’t add to your stress and takes advantage of your kindness. Love is selfless, patient, and kind. Choose someone who looks at you like you are the most special thing on this planet and treats you with respect, protects you, and wants to be with you. Being together should not feel like a chore, it should make you feel so lucky to be with this person next to you. 

Don’t give your heart to a Fuckboy! Choose wisely.

JEALOUSY AND CHEATING

Why happy couples cheat and why are we so jealous?

Whether you are married or dating,  people find it so hard to stay faithful. I have witness all sorts of people wanting to cheat or actually cheating. I would estimate  from personal experience about 5% of men don’t cheat on their mates, while probably 85% of women wouldn’t cheat on their spouse. But now a days what is considered cheating?  There’s online porn, sexting, online dating apps, massage parlors, grinning at the club, so many ways some couples might consider cheating. I was once told cheating is doing something you wouldn’t do in front of your partner, but does that really stand now a days? I personally believe there shouldn’t be walls or restrictions between couples. All fantasies and dirty thoughts should be shared but not all people share the same openmindness I have. People tend to be possessive, controlling, and of course we all know the big one JEALOUSY!! My thoughts are it boils down to self-esteem and confidence.  

pretty girl on tv
Weather girl Yanet Garcia

If you are worried that your suppose is wandering off looking for someone else to replace you, or you are getting all hissy fit that your partner is staring at someone else who’s very good looking in the room, tv, or online, all it really says is that you have ZERO CONFIDENCE in yourself and in your relationship!!! Now there are people who will cheat and their suppose is confident in themselves and in their relationship but I believe  those cheat strictly for the release and not the emotional exchanges that can come about in love affairs. I will discuss the difference in cheating for love and for sex on a different post (Future post: How to know the difference between cheating for love and sex, and How you can avoid one!)

We are humans, aka animals, we have natural instincts to be aroused and want sex. The key is control. ANNNND remember the difference between sex and love.  If you are in a relationship, most likely you are with them because you LOVE each other, it’s more than just sex, it’s sooo much more than just sex!!

https://giphy.com/embed/13LsbhW8N4TVrG

via GIPHY

Don’t feel threaten! Instead join your partner in admiring what they are drooling over! Remember you are on each other’s side! Join your partner in his/her arousal and make it your own. I think this is the point in your relationship where you either push each other away or get closer. If you try to control your partner, it will only make you look less attractive, and make them feel suffocated, and push them to feeling the need to hide their feelings, desires, thoughts, aka fantasies from you. Don’t create walls in your relationship by letting your insecurities take over your temperament. Don’t create fights over silly things! Life is too short to get jealous over something that is so natural to being human.

You might ask what does this have to do with cheating? Well it’s the start! Once you have made your partner know of your insecurities, you have made them more reciprocal to being attracted to other confident women.  Remember to be your partner’s best friend, someone who doesn’t judge but listens.

Honesty creates trust, trust creates union, and union is what keeps you on the same side of the net.

Here’s a great video on Why Happy Couples Cheat!!

 

 

Can You Have a Relationship with a Fuckboy?

Can you truly have a relationship with a fuckboy? I don’t know. I ask myself this tonight, while I laid next to a man who I find very similar to myself in someways but who I also can’t stand for how they feel about women. Have you ever met a man so charming, handsome, fun, so perfect that when you are with him, you feel special, you feel like you want to be with them regardless of the bullshit? He sings songs out of the blue, brightens your time during your date, he dances with you until closing time, he cooks for you, he cleans the house why you are gone, he’s adventurous in bed and he’s intellectual! How can one person be all these wonder things and also want to sleep with 30 other women? Ok, maybe not 30 but you get the drift.

From all the research I have done, all the podcast I have listened to, all the men I’ve met, I’m not afraid of sharing. I’m not against knowing that my partner will be aroused by another woman, there are much larger problems a relationship can have than sharing someone sexually. Sex is sex. Cheating is a different story. Cheating is lying and being deceitful. Something I’m highly against. Having an open relationship, is having a relationship with your best friend, someone you can share anything and everything without judgement. So If I can become best friends with this fuckboy, could I be happy? Could we be happy? Am i delusional?

I think we are living on the time when monogamy is dead. We no longer are getting married for money, or stability. Women have been able to support themselves. Why do we need to be in a relationship with one person forever? I agree if you want to make a family you probably should be with that person forever or until your children are grown but what if you don’t want children, what if you don’t want to get married, all you want is a partner, a friend, a companion? Can a fuckboy be this if you come to the agreement of having an open relationship? Could it work in the long term? A relationship based on truth, honesty, and passion to me is a remedy for a healthy long relationship? But what are the risks? Like in any relationship there are always risks. One of the biggest concerns with me would be the increased probability in STD’s.  But if we didn’t have to worry about that, could more people be driven and desire OPEN RELATIONSHIPS? I believe so, I think naturally we wouldn’t mind more than one partner but social norms have made it into this 1:1 ratio.

I think it’s about honesty and trust……..if you have those things anything is possible but without it you are better off being alone than in a relationship with a fuckboy.fuckboy couple.jpg