My date with a Finance fuckboy started with drinks at a small local bar. As I walked in, he immediately recognized me. I was very surprised how handsome he was in person but looked younger than what I would have prefered. I thought immediately well this is going to be short and sweet. He was too good-looking. You know, that pretty boy look. Where the guy might be better looking than you. We sat at a four top where we started to do the usual get to know each other chat (boring talk). I think we kinda started syncing when we both said “Same, same but different” at the same time. It was cute. By this time he told me his mother had breast cancer for a second time and wasn’t planning on quitting her smoking habit which was a total downer to our conversation. He also told me he was obsessed with football and that was a total turn off since I’m not into sports. I acted supportive when I mentioned we should move to the sofa next to the fireplace where he could watch the game.
After two beers, we left and went to my favorite bar down the street which was playing live music. I started talking to a guy next to us. Made some small talk and before we knew it, he was obsessing with my date and was offering him a high paying job. He also started buying us VERY expensive drinks. Without knowing, I was gone quick! Then we went to a dive bar nearby. Apparently I made him dance with me when no one else was dancing and everyone was watching us. Lol. At some point some other guy was trying to hit on me on the dance floor and our new friend we made, came up to him and said “HEY, she’s with him, back off” Lol. It was definitely a night to remember, sad part is I barely remember it.
Next morning, he started freaking out he had a hickey on his neck and when I mean freaking out, he’s literally online looking up remedies one after the other and telling me he’s fucked. It turns out the next day he had a huge presentation to give in the company. He thought it would get him fired if he showed up with a hickey. For the next two hours we spent trying to hide this hickey. I tried some of my make up and gave him lessons on how to apply it. Then I went with him to the pharmacy to help him choose a right skin tone concealer. He purchase like 4 other things to help it go away. We were starving and wanted to eat bbq, so we waited 15 mins until the restaurant opened. While we waited in the car, I applied ice for a few minutes and then rubbed something hard across the hickey. I don’t remember what it was, think it might had been a credit card, or comb. I offered to pay for our brunch since I felt super guilty for causing this huge hickey on his neck. Which didn’t even look like a hickey, it was a line across his neck instead of a spot. We had a good brunch where we fought our hangover and laughed thru it.
At this point, I felt like I wouldn’t see him again even though we were having a good time. It didn’t seem like we had much in common and I didn’t want to date someone who would freak out to that extend over a hickey. Plus I really didn’t think he was interested in me, or attracted to me. I felt older than him, even though he was very successful in his career and spoke as if he was 10 years older than me.
The following days he started hitting me up on snapchat and asking to see me again. I was surprised but thought why not. I wanted to see him but because I was so busy and he was traveling two weeks passed by and we still hadn’t seen each other again. Then I started seeing someone else who wasn’t as attractive but I had a lot more in common. The new guy knew I wasn’t looking for a relationship and that I was openly dating. Therefore I was still exchanging snapchats with Finance guy and one day he sends me a picture of a close up of his face with his ski helmet. He looked like a different person. So I replied asking him if he gained 10 pounds because he looked like a different person. I was expecting an answer like “Oh I’ve been eating like shit and drinking daily” but instead I got FUCK YOU, I’M SICK. YOU ARE DICK, AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH….Literally super mean, as if he was trying to punch me with his words. I immediately got flashback of my ex husband so I replied with a short response of “Wow” and blocked his ass!!
My message to him was definitely more of a joke than a serious offensive attack, but I understand how it could be taken the wrong way but I don’t think anyone should start cursing at someone in order to defend oneself especially at something so silly.
Sometimes when the other person is too good-looking, they think they are the shit and belong on a pedestal. Avoid fuckboys who ask for nudes on snapchat like this loser. Avoid men who call your dogs ugly!!! Avoid men who can’t handle hickeys like real men. Avoid small dicks 😉 and dicks!
And for those still reading, just know the hickey was pretty much gone the next day. He didn’t have to use make-up to cover it or come up with some lie to explain the bruise line. He also still has my very expensive compact make- up (which I knew would be a lost once I gave it to him). Lesson learned!
We live in a time that everyone has a busy life, where our free time is very precious and to waste an evening with someone you can’t stand is criminal. Valuing your time is the best choice you can make. With the non-stop swiping, and constant switching message windows from person to person, it’s hard to choose who you want to go on a first date with.
STEP 1: SWIPE ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF KISSING AND HAVE A BRAIN
I normally start with five matches (being picky that I am), then I narrow it down to three guys. I try to give everyone a chance but a chance doesn’t mean a date. I’ll talk to them until I get to the point where I either get bored or figure out they don’t meet my standards and we have zero in common. I kindly tell them I’m no longer interested, where then they try to convince me that I’m wrong in not giving them a chance or say “But we haven’t even met, how do you know we aren’t a good match?”. Last week I almost replied “Cuz you are annoying AF” but I was too nice and just didn’t reply after they told me how much I was missing out and their ongoing list of qualities he thought I would be impressed by. Which just made me feel reassured that my instinct was right. I’ve learned not to waste time on people who aren’t worth of mine.
STEP TWO: LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT! CHOOSE A GUY THAT IS SHOWING INTEREST IN YOU BY ALSO PUTTING WORK INTO HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOU. THIS MEANS, HE SHOULD BE ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE AND PICKING UP THINGS FROM YOUR PROFILE TO ENGAGE MORE WITH YOU.
STEP THREE: PICK SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO REGARDLESS WHO HE IS (SOMETHING YOU COULD ENJOY ALONE OR WOULD DO EVEN IF HE WASN’T TAKING YOU THERE).
Don’t think that every person you go on a date is applying for the husband position. MOST LIKELY they WON’T BE THE ONE. You have to look at dating as something FUN. Now how can we know whether we will have fun or be entertained? The question you should ask yourself HOW DO I HAVE FUN REGARDLESS OF WITH WHO I AM WITH? For me it’s DANCING AND DRINKS. I love it! Anything with music is my thing. So I make sure that my date has either live music or dance music. Which is a test on how it would be if we would be a couple. It’s the ultimate test on doing something you love and know you wouldn’t want to get rid of in your life. If this new guy has something negative to say about the ambience of your good juju, then obviously he is NOT the one.
WHO TO PICK?
One of the things I’ve learned this 2017 year is that I’m greatly entertained by knowledge. If my date is teaching me something or is sharing something so out of my range that I’m in awe at the story then I know I’m going to be entertained. Pick someone with adventurous or eventful career so they can entertain you with their stories. Lawyers are fun compared to the guy who works in a manufacturing warehouse. Musicians, travelers, and even swingers!
If a guy can get you to laugh over text, it’s always a good sign! It’s also a sign they are confident human beings. If a guy sends you more selfies than you take, take that as a note that they are arrogant and most likely not worth your time. They care more about appearance and lack intellectuality. They can’t formulate enough interesting conversations so they send you tons of pics. Soooo annoying!!
FIRST DATES CAN BE THE ULTIMATE TEST
Two weeks ago I decided to take a chance and meet a guy for the first time at the GYM as our first date and it was great! I felt like I didn’t lose anytime because I was doing what was on my TO DO LIST and doing what I WANTED to do! It was a test on how we would work out together, a test on his ability of lasting thru a hard workout, and how he treated women in a position where he could have the ability to show off or be a teacher.
The date went well, we set up a second date at the gym, with clean up at my place and drinks downtown. It went pretty well. Again, had a great time listening to an amazing band and having my favorite drinks. Third date is tonight…NEW YEARS EVE! Wasn’t sure how I felt about spending it with someone new but again I’m doing WHAT I WANT TO DO and that was stay home, make dinner and spend it with my pups, so why not share it with someone who is good company?
How can we become smarter at who we chose to spend our evenings with and how can we make it worth our time?
Being a Millennial and being single is not easy! Especially being newly divorced and playing catch up with the dynamics of dating again. There are countless apps for online dating. They can become addicting and take over your life before you know it. The only one that seems to keep your inbox emptier and under control is Bumble.
Each year our lives are more connected electronically. With the rise of cryptocurrency this past year, I’m pretty certain that being connected thru the internet will only become stronger and needed in our society even more so than what it already is. Social media is bottom line addictive. Studies show show how checking our phones produces endorphins and send happy wave messages to our brain, making us repeat it over and over again for that reward feeling. I’ve tried several times to de -attach myself from these online outlets but the struggle is real!! I can’t seem to cut off my online dating app even though every time I swipe it’s mostly to the left and maybe 1 in 100 to the right. Why can’t I stop relying on this app to meet someone special. So far I just keep getting disappointed or regretting agreeing to a date. I get home and look around and have a long list of things I should had been doing instead of going on a date with the wrong person.
I’m very picky with men I see, so when meeting someone in person isn’t as rewarding as you thought it would be, it’s almost a blow at your gut. I’m guilty of being a strong believer in giving people a chance even though I normally judge a book by it’s cover.
Looks aren’t everything. A man should be able to be intellectual and entertaining to keep my attention, or he should be a good dancer so I don’t run off with someone else. Lol. Even if the date is great, but the post sex sucks, how can you avoid having bad sex? How can we be so picky but wise enough to give a good guy a chance and see if he can make you laugh until your stomach hurts, or leaves you with your brain sparked? I think I’ve realized that I’m not being picky enough. Too many wasted dates so far. My laundry is piling up and I still haven’t vacuumed. I think the trick is to really start paying attention on the type of conversations you are having before meeting. What things do you have in common and how do they measure up to your NEED QUALITY LIST?
This weekend I went on a date with someone that my intuition told me wasn’t going to be good and OH BOY wasn’t I right. Not only was I right but more disappointed. Nothing like calling it out and then being shown in person your predictions. I know it’s not nice to stereotype people but at the end of the day, we are talking about odds. I knew this guy would be catholic and republican all based on where he was from and I DON’T think or act like either of those things, so why would I waste my time with someone I had zero common interest? The guy never answered my question about either prior, instead he responded with a witty answer avoiding to answer. I thought it was a smart move and figured I might as well give it a try, seconding guessing my intuition. He wasn’t as good looking as he was in his pictures and he had a horrible face scar that I never saw on his pictures (which wasn’t bad- more like a turnon) but it bothered me that I wasn’t made aware of it, or that it almost felt hidden from me. We danced a little and then he invited me over. As soon as I walked into his apartment I wanted to walk out. It was pretty empty, as if he had just moved there. There was a hammer on his nightstand (he said he used it for protection), and pretty much everything was blah, except for one photograph of a ski hill that I felt drawn to. His apartment was as boring as his personality. Which should had been a clue to how the sex would be too. He got tired quick and he doesn’t wear deodorant, so his body odor was horrible. I wanted to shower asap to get his smell off me. He didn’t care to please me, and his dick stopped working in the middle of it. He told me he needed medication but didn’t’ want to take it. So I insisted for him to take it. I didn’t go through all that trouble to be left with nothing but even after he took it, the sex didn’t last long. I quickly after asked him to take me back to my car. There was no way in hell I was staying over with him.
My decision to give me a chance was all due to the fact that my hormones were raging. It’s not easy being in your 30’s. Lol. So now I ask myself how can I stop myself from making similar mistakes? So now when I get this little negative thoughts in my head about a potential date, I will make sure to start listening cuz most likely your intuition knows better than your heart or pussy does.
We need to reevaluate how we pick them, and stop worrying about stereotyping. Follow your intuition. It know’s it’s shit. Don’t waste your time with someone who’s not going to add to your life in a positive way.
Holidays should be to be spent with close friends or family. So when Johnny Depp invited me to spend New Year’s Eve with him I was pretty surprised. I thought he would be spending it with guy friends at a club but instead he tells me that he’s meeting another girl from Bumble. I almost threw up in my mouth. She was a Mexican girl that was interested in hooking up with another chic so she would be cool if I came along and not pressured in doing anything is what he said. She was also bringing a girlfriend, so I agreed in going, figuring it would be fine, and that we would get along since she was Latina.
….AT THE CLUB
She turned out to be much younger than me, not really my type of person I would choose to hang out with but I went along for the opportunity in going somewhere fun since I didn’t have any other plans. He told me “I must not try to control him because he didn’t belong to anyone”, which is fair since I knew previously that he didn’t believe in monogamy. We took a group picture at the entrance of the club, which was awkward. He looked like a pimp with three girls. I immediately began dancing with someone else as he tried to bounce back and forth between dancing with me and hanging the other girls. Towards the end of the night, they were blasted. They all passed out on the sofa. I left them all at her house.
…THE NEXT DAY
The guy I had met at the club texted me and invited me out for breakfast. When he picked me up he definitely didn’t look as good looking as I had remembered. As I sat with him, I kept thinking of the night before and how I had glanced over to Johnny and the girls and she and him were making out and how it made me feel. It was strange. It felt like a battle inside my body. My body boiled with anger but my mind calmly cooled me off, as I kept telling myself “He’s a Fuckboy, no one worth having feelings for!” and it worked. Breakfast was delicious but my date definitely had a different agenda and way of thinking than me. He was looking for THE ONE, and I couldn’t imagine seeing the same person every day. Johnny Depp then texted me while I was having breakfast. Being the open person I am, I told my date about the text. He said he wasn’t sure if Johnny Depp was my boyfriend from the club but figured I was single since I had accepted to exchange numbers. I then realized that I had only exchanged numbers to get my mind off of the situation I was in. As if having options would make it better, so stupid, I know. Having to share a date, was something I was not use to nor had any idea how to feel or act. Depp continuously started texting me begging me to come over to this girl’s house, I refused and said if he wants to see me badly he would have to Uber over to mine. So he did.
We had picked up a bottle of vodka the night before, so when he came over we began drinking. He put music on and we danced for hours. Slowly I began to fall deep for him. His soul is so bright, always smiling and moving to the music as if it would run through his blood. We filmed each other dancing and were having a great time day drinking. He sat down to take a break and was on his phone. I then sat on his lap and he began to tell me that the girl from the night before was on her way over. I literally jumped of him and went crazy Latina on him. I couldn’t understand why he would ruin what we were having to include someone else. I got so mad that I slapped him. He was in shock but didn’t yell at me for doing it, then he told me he had been joking and accused me of being jealous and was testing me.
Is it natural to be jealous if monogamy is not natural? I think jealously is natural. It’s the feeling of losing what we have or think we have. It’s an instinctive reaction that is hard to control but just cause it’s real, it doesn’t mean monogamy is natural. His cruel joke was like ice cold water splashed in my face to wake the fuck up and stop any deep emotions for this man that clearly will never be truly mine. Most women wouldn’t waste their time or energy talking to a Fuckboy but the way he makes me feel when we are together is like no other. So if I live my life as it’s my last day, why not spend it happy even if it’s for one day or two?
In order to protect myself emotionally, I do things different and have zero expectations from him. I don’t text him Hi, How are you conversations, nor do I text him asking him personal questions, pretty much treat him like I don’t give a fuck about him and it works! Very rarely do I send him a meme. Then when he’s in town he contacts me to set a date or make plans. He’s very caring, in the sense of gifting me things that are special to him. So he’s not entirely a fuckboy nor do I even consider him a true fuckboy. He’s my Johnny Depp. He has a lot of negative attributes, and I will never let him break my heart, nor my soul, I’m better than that. I don’t have heart when it comes to him. I can’t identify what I have for Johnny Depp, all I know is that he makes me laugh with his stories, and looks at me like I’m melting ice cream. My advice is do what makes you happy for the present but always put yourself first. We are all on different stages in life, do what makes sense to who you are today and what makes you happy and can’t hurt you. Also always use protection!
His name is Johnny Depp. I met him on bumble last year. He was one of those guys who captures your attention for being original on his post, not a perv immediately, and steers away from your normal boring conversation of getting to know some one like what do you do for work, how many siblings do you have, etc. He was dressed really casual and I wasn’t really impressed. After our casual beer date, we decided to go check out a dive bar that was recommended to us by a local. I had no plans of drinking heavy but he immediately requested Tequila shots, and drinks. Before I knew it, we were connecting like butter and bread. The way he looked at me, made me melt and he was filled with such contagious energy that we fled into the dance floor and danced the night away. So far this was the most exciting and promising Bumble date I had at this time.
A few days later I invited him over for dinner. It was an evening in November so it was cold. He walked into my house in a leather jacket, with his hair slicked to the side but hanging a little over his face, and all I kept thinking was omg this man must be cold, why is he wearing a leather jacket? For some reason I don’t think leather jackets are warm enough for a bitter winter. We sat at my round dining table, with dimmed lights, and had a deep intellectual conversation. I even think I had classical music playing in the background. We bounced back and forth our thoughts on dating, mating, and relationships. In the middle, we discovered that we both shared the same favorite book which is so rare. For me this was magical. It was one of those weird moments that you want to pinch yourself to see if it was real. This book was Sex At Dawn.
I want to talk a little bit about this book before I continue with my story. This book has mold me into the person I am today. I’m very different to who I was before I got married. I’ve grown so much. I can better understand the psychology of men and women, and why it’s hard to have a long term marriage/relationship with only one person. I understand how jealousy works, and I have learn to accept the truth, which is women co-exist better with other women then men. Cohabitating with the same sex has and is how it is in most of all ancient and indigenous cultures. To me this is so important to know, because I can better understand myself, my needs, and the nature of humankind. I definitely recommend Sex At Dawn by Dr. Chris Ryan. I could keep going talking about the book in more details but this post isn’t about the book. So I’m going to stop right here and continue my story with Johnny Depp…
The entire night, this stranger who didn’t tell me much about his personal life during our first date, was jumping off his seat telling me stories about his life, his ex girlfriend (aka. who I remind him of (), his marijuana business, his inability to be attainable, his ability to like all types of women for different reasons, his experience with women always wanting to feel special therefore never being able to be ok with handling an open relationship. He was in the Navy for many years, and from his stories he was definitely a playboy in his travels with his boys . I immediately felt like I had finally met someone on Bumble that looked at sex in a similar way and wasn’t a judgemental and jealous type (which I hate).
A week later as we continued talking via text I realized he hated small talk, he was a bit of a dick, and he was definitely someone that I could not have a loving relationship with. He showed no empathy, and could careless what I did during my week (even though he would disappear for a few days and then text me asking how I was). After a week or two, we both had to travel to Florida. He was in the upper peninsula and I was like 6 hours away. He almost made plans to spend christmas with me and my family (which would had been weird and awkward explaining who the fuck he was). Thank god he decided to visit his family in a nearby state instead. I was already feeling stressed of having to deal with my family and the sleeping situation. Where would he sleep, did I have to rush and buy him a xmas gift? Either way, I recall telling him I was sick, or something and he responding something shitty. I blew up on him and pretty much told him to fuck off. At this point I was so over this Bumble guy but the next day he texted me apologizing, using the excuse that he had been drinking and didn’t mean to be so cold with me. Blah, blah, blah. I then returned to winter hell and was planning on spending New Year’s Eve at home alone since I was still trying to get over a cold. To my surprised Johnny Depp had a plan, a sneaky plan, that is pretty much the foreshadowing of who he turned out to be…..
The benefits of being older are much greater than one expects them to be. Wisdom is something that you gain through your intuition and your experiences. I think I finally felt wisdom in my own shoes. A few months ago, I used to think I was weak and always was attracted to the bad boy type or the narcissistic asshole. I thought I had issues and that my past controlled my taste in men. I saw bad qualities in men as normal since that’s what I was used to. In other words, I could look past the bad qualities and focus on the good qualities, like their good looks and muscles, maybe their love for dogs, ambition, or confidence.
A couple of weeks ago, I went on a date with someone from Bumble. To my surprise, he was so handsome, tall, with dark features, hazel eyes, and looked like a thicker version of James Dean.
When I say thick I don’t mean fat, just bulkier. Anyways, he was a gentleman, told me if I didn’t mind he was raised to always pay for a lady, which I was impressed to hear since those type of men are disappearing from the dating scenes. We sat at the bar at an Asian inspired restaurant. We drank sake and had one appetizer. To our surprise, the restaurant didn’t serve sushi, which was the main reason we chose the location, so we found ourselves going next door for sushi. I chose a sake and thought he would share mine, instead he asked the waitress which beverage had the least alcohol. I raised my eyebrows to this. I immediately saw red flags go up. We had barely drank at the place before and here he was trying to cut back. I asked what he was concerned about and he mentioned that he did not want to go crazy drinking and he also had to drive. For some reason, I didn’t feel his answer was sincere. I could see a lot of tension that he carried on his shoulders and forehead. I could feel like there was something he was holding back, perhaps a lot, he seemed like he was about to explode with emotions. I mentioned to him what I felt from his body composure and he immediately was taken back and told me that I figured him pretty damn well and he couldn’t understand how I could tell so much. He became very emotional, didn’t cry but I felt he was close. He opened up and told me that he had a lot of bad qualities which he shared in detail and he was still trying to get over a breakup.
Anyways, later that evening he went outside for a cigarette break, while he was gone I checked my phone and received a nasty unexpected email from my ex-husband (since he had been blocked). There was no real reason why he contacted me but to be hurtful and wished my family and friends all the worst from a present hurricane. He mentioned a bunch of other nasty things that I will not waste time expanding on. It was obvious he was bored and hating his own life because he wrote me from someone else’s email address so he could go past my email blocker. I became immediately emotional, started crying; not because he hurt me but because I felt desperate. Here I was trying to move on with my life, erase him from my life and he still was able to affect me. Well quickly after, my date returned to our table and found me sad, so of course I had to open up and share what had just occurred. He immediately came over to my side of the booth and put his arms around me where I sobbed a little and we shared a strong emotional connection.
At last I thought I had found a good looking man who was a gentleman and didn’t send me dick pics and actually wanted to spend quality time together (instead of getting drunk and getting crazy). Then as we were leaving, he kissed me and then invited me back to his place. To my surprise, he stopped at a liquor store where he got whatever I wanted and of course I chose tequila, my new go-to drink. We definitely got drunk, danced a little and sat down and had a deep conversation thanks to me. He told me a lot of things that perhaps he wouldn’t have if I didn’t self-analyze him and confront him with my thoughts. Bottom line: I discovered that he had a lot of issues. He was a chronic smoker, smoked weed a lot, and drank frequently. His home was pretty clean, plain, but homey. His kitchen was spotless and outdated but very clean (aka- obviously he didn’t cook). He also mentioned that he tries not to be a narcissist and that once someone breaks his heart, it’s over and they are dead to him (he might have said this in other words). I immediately felt warned. The house he lived in was small and identical to my ex-boyfriend and I’s from when I was 18. I literally felt I had turned back time and I was sitting home with a man with depression and addictions – someone who obviously didn’t love himself and was disappointed with himself deep inside.
We fell asleep and I went home the next morning. During the car ride, I couldn’t help but feel scared. Scared of myself, my past returning and feeling drawn to this type of man who obviously needs help. I was scared that I was starting to really like him even though I knew he was an emotional wreck.
Now it was Saturday and I was hungover and didn’t want to do anything but relax. I was bored and so I texted him if he wanted to come visit me since he had mentioned he really wanted to meet my dogs. Well, what I thought was going to be a few hours turned out to be a sleepover (NOT MY IDEA!). We sat all afternoon in the hammock. I tried to sleep but he just kept getting up non-stop to smoke. I was disgusted. At this point, I was annoyed and I knew there was no way I could be with him. His addiction was too much to handle (he literally would get up and smoke every 15 minutes), but the more I sat with him I felt more and more comfortable with him. I think I began getting used to him and his bad habits. He also drank beer after beer. Meanwhile, I had none and all I cared to do was sleep and recover. Then it got late, so he went outside to his car and came inside with a plastic grocery bag with things inside. He said, “I planned on sleeping over so I came prepared. Hope that’s ok.” I was so shocked and thought it was so rude of him to invite himself to sleepover so quickly. This is where another red flag popped up big. What man throws himself so quickly after meeting someone and when it’s not about sex? Wanting to spend quality time with someone comes with time. The more you get to know someone, the more you are able to expand your time with them, but to want to spend all day and night with someone so quickly is a HUGE NO NO! But because I’m a nice person and felt bad, I said sure you can – missing out on a friends jacuzzi party.
By this point, I was not impressed by this man sitting in my bed, who was obviously really liking me and wanting to have something special and serious. We went on another date the following week. It took a lot of push for me to go but because we were going to my favorite Mexican restaurant, I couldn’t cancel. Plus I really wanted to give him the chance since it looked like he was willing to put the time and effort in having something serious. But seriously! What was I thinking? He was closed minded, didn’t work out, a heavy smoker, had a beer belly in the making, and watched sports and tv on his spare time, ANNNND….also showed signs of being a narcissist. He was absolutely everything I didn’t want in a man!! But why had I put myself through two weeks of talking to him and accepting going on a second date? Well, I did and I enjoyed myself on our date. The food was great, the drinks were great, and he looked at me like I was gold. I felt happy. Here’s my advice don’t let the fools gold fool you! RUN FOR THE HILLS THE SECOND YOUR HEART AND MIND TELL YOU THIS ISN’T RIGHT!
We went back to his place, where I learned that a man who smokes and doesn’t work out will never provide good sex. If you have crappy lungs, how can you breathe properly and have stamina? YOU CAN’T! But not only did he suck at performing, his spirit wasn’t there. I was so bored but glad it didn’t last very long. We then shared some quiet time talking and I somehow felt so drawn to him. Well, what I felt was nostalgia. I didn’t know until a few days later. I was thinking at the time, “Maybe I’m being too judgmental and he might be someone who can make me happy in the long run.” Still wondering WTF I was thinking. Well, I mentioned to him that I was planning to continue seeing other people until I thought what we had was going to be something serious. He mentioned something I don’t recall and I felt bad so I decided to invite him to my house for another night and said he could sleep over. It was obvious he wanted to spend time with me, and it had been a long time since anyone wanted to spend alone time with me in a non-sexual way. Well, he came over and I began to realize I really didn’t have feelings for this man. I was so bored with his presence and I knew we were a terrible match.
The following day I reached out letting him know he had forgotten his charger, etc. I will not continue with the rest of the details of the conversation but bottom line, he exploded on me with an attitude and refused to open up as what friends do. At the same time, I was putting away dishes from dinner. The dishes he had helped wash. Well those damn dishes were freaken dirty af! I immediately told him, that I was done talking to him and we were a bad match. The following day he tried apologizing and blah, blah, blah…The old me from 10 years ago would have accepted his apology and tried to work things out.
I realized then that I had succeeded! I had finally broken the chain of narcissistic boyfriends who were judgmental and had evil souls. I told him sorry I was not interested anymore but he fought back via text. He insisted he wouldn’t give up that easily and that we had something special. Blah, blah, blah…..I told him we were not a good match again and that he had a lot of qualities I did not admire. I said Good night and I was on a date. He responded with something mean and tried to hurt me. So I blocked him.
Moral of the story is that if I hadn’t gone through all those bad experiences with my ex’s, I wouldn’t have the bad feeling “intuition” when I saw those red flags. I would have tried to look past those bad habits and tried to make it work just because he thought I was special. I have learned to care more about how special and valuable I feel rather than how someone else feels about me!
EVERYTHING IN LIFE HAS A LESSON EVEN IF IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE GOING THRU HELL AT THE MOMENT, LIKE EVERYTHING, IT WILL PASS AND LATER IN LIFE YOU WILL STAND STRONGER THAN BEFORE AND YOU WILL HAVE THE WISDOM TO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES!
Can you truly have a relationship with a fuckboy? I don’t know. I ask myself this tonight, while I laid next to a man who I find very similar to myself in someways but who I also can’t stand for how they feel about women. Have you ever met a man so charming, handsome, fun, so perfect that when you are with him, you feel special, you feel like you want to be with them regardless of the bullshit? He sings songs out of the blue, brightens your time during your date, he dances with you until closing time, he cooks for you, he cleans the house why you are gone, he’s adventurous in bed and he’s intellectual! How can one person be all these wonder things and also want to sleep with 30 other women? Ok, maybe not 30 but you get the drift.
From all the research I have done, all the podcast I have listened to, all the men I’ve met, I’m not afraid of sharing. I’m not against knowing that my partner will be aroused by another woman, there are much larger problems a relationship can have than sharing someone sexually. Sex is sex. Cheating is a different story. Cheating is lying and being deceitful. Something I’m highly against. Having an open relationship, is having a relationship with your best friend, someone you can share anything and everything without judgement. So If I can become best friends with this fuckboy, could I be happy? Could we be happy? Am i delusional?
I think we are living on the time when monogamy is dead. We no longer are getting married for money, or stability. Women have been able to support themselves. Why do we need to be in a relationship with one person forever? I agree if you want to make a family you probably should be with that person forever or until your children are grown but what if you don’t want children, what if you don’t want to get married, all you want is a partner, a friend, a companion? Can a fuckboy be this if you come to the agreement of having an open relationship? Could it work in the long term? A relationship based on truth, honesty, and passion to me is a remedy for a healthy long relationship? But what are the risks? Like in any relationship there are always risks. One of the biggest concerns with me would be the increased probability in STD’s. But if we didn’t have to worry about that, could more people be driven and desire OPEN RELATIONSHIPS? I believe so, I think naturally we wouldn’t mind more than one partner but social norms have made it into this 1:1 ratio.
I think it’s about honesty and trust……..if you have those things anything is possible but without it you are better off being alone than in a relationship with a fuckboy.