Tonight I spoke to an old lover after three years of no contact. There was tears. There was laughs. There was tenderness deep in my soul and there was gratitude in both of our voices. He’s the best friend of a friend and tonight our mutual friend snap chatted me while they were out celebrating. There was no plan to talk tonight but there we were, reconnecting after so many years and two weeks before his wedding.
His contagious smile still filled mine with joy as he looked at me just like the first day we met. I couldn’t help it but smile back and feel happy to see his face again and hear his voice. As we fought thru the bad connection and loud music, we spoke heart to heart. I said my truth, he said his. I realized that what had been missing back then was only due to his maturity. You see, he was much younger than me. What I sought back then he couldn’t give me because he was still so young. Even though we were really good friends and laughed all the time, something was missing. I wasn’t completely happy. I felt like I had to take the leading role in the relationship which I didn’t want. The age gap was definitely an issue. At that time I didn’t know it. I thought it was just his character but after tonight I could see a big change. We spoke about it and there was closure. The same honest man still stood in front of me while maintaining respect to his significant other’s existence. Yet It was still a very emotional conversation. I don’t know why but I couldn’t stop tears from rolling down my face by the end. I wasn’t expecting to feel that way. It’s strange how sometimes we aren’t aware how much people have really imprinted themselves in our hearts. We closed our conversation extending a mutual appreciation and gratitude for what had been in each other’s lives at one time, as well as how we should keep in touch through out the future years.
I ask myself how many times do we meet people at the wrong time? Is there even a wrong time? Or is it all part of the journey? Is each relationship is suppose to be a stepping stone to another one? I don’t feel like it is. There is no one better than the other, but just different than the other. What one person has, the other person has something completely different. But what if your other failed relationships were due to maturity? Does this mean there’s hope for something to work in the future with them after growth and change? Is that suppose to be part of the journey/story? Or would that be going backwards?
I can’t be certain if it would had worked long term or what not but I do know that at every step I was genuine with my feelings. When I wasn’t happy I let go and now I have to accept his happiness elsewhere. Moments like those remind us the small things that made a difference and how important those really were. Dating someone 7 years younger than you isn’t always easy. You have to balance the good with the bad. Things that are part of the age gap vs things that are part of the person’s personality. I’m glad I let go when I did. Some times people need to earn their wings on their own, so then they can learn to fly.
You won’t have regrets of your past as long as you are genuine with your feelings and decisions. Today I can take inventory of the qualities that really made a difference in creating an imprint in my heart. I hope one day I can meet someone else who can also make me laugh in bed and always look at me with a smile. Until then, only good memories shall live on in my heart.
My words of advice would be, ask yourself if what you are missing from your relationship is due to character or maturity. Either answer requires time for growth but perhaps it’s better to address it properly instead of immediately withdrawing away from a happy relationship. Especially if that base of relationship is created around a friendship, it’s definitely worth investigating more than walking away.
Lesson learned 10.23.2021
Salty Melons 