Do you remember growing up watching break up movies where we witness women tearing up letters, burning ex’s belongings, and throwing out anything they owned? I think they call it purging. It was almost like a séance scene from The Craft. Now we have text messages, snaps, messages and posts all related to our exes. How far back do you delete them? How much do you erase their existence from your social media platform? And How hard should you try to forget they ever existed in your life? The tasks are long, who has time and energy to do all that? Well luckily for me when I was with my ex, there was only FB albums and it was easy to hide those babies.
Last night I couldn’t sleep, so I started looking through old photos in my phone, trying to delete a few so I could create more space. It turned out I had a pic of a letter from my ex, as well as screen shots of text messages. Let me tell you there’s nothing like reading something from the past. You immediately become a third party in the conversation. You are no longer that person that text or letter was written to and you can observe the words without blindfolds. A letter I once thought was so sweet and tender, was actually sugar coated to say I only love you because You love me, someone unlovable. “You still find a way to love me” in summary. This letter was his way to explain why he married me. Now that I’m older and an outsider, I can read right thru the red flags. Even though deep in my heart I always doubted his love for me, this letter was proof of the lack of self love he had and how impossible it would be for him to love me unconditionally if he didn’t love himself. I also found horrible mean text messages. Between a loving letter he had written the year prior to volatile text messages, I was witnessing how much a person could change so quickly regardless of your love for them. We think we know people but people are like onions, layers and layers, as well as a product of their environment. If their mind and body is some where else, don’t expect them to be the same person they were with you from the beginning.
As painful as it was to reread these text messages and letter, it made me very happy to know I no longer was attached to such toxic person who had never been honest to himself nor to me. It reminded me of all the awful downs I had gone thru, all the shed tears and endless nights of sadness I had experienced towards the end of our relationship. Was this a good thing to do to myself? I think YES! I felt like a WARRIOR as if I had gone thru war and came out stronger, braver and wiser than before. Even though there was a lot of outside influence into my exes’s behavior, I know that holding a grudge would not had served anyone. After a couple of years of no contact we are cordial again.
I have him blocked from my social media accounts which means I can’t see his either but we are still friends and we share pictures here and there of what we choose to share with one another. It’s a healthy relationship with boundaries. Remember a lot of issues in relationships have nothing to do with you but with their inner battles they hold inside. At the end of the day I learned a lot. None of my social media accounts show his face. He’s pretty invisible to others but he still exists in my phone like a battle trophy and a fossil, imbedded with pain, lessons, and a reminder to never again choose a partner like him.
If you have gone thru a break up, I suggest to first create boundaries, honor your past without regret, and hide those kissing photos. Save things that will remind you of their true colors even though they might be hurtful. It’s a good reminder why it didn’t work out and why it never will. Erase photos of you together in your phone, but if you have printed ones you can save them in a box stashed away so when you are 90 years old you can remember back to all your learned lessons. The point is not to have anything of them in your present life. At the end of the day, you once had a beautiful life by their side until things went sour, you learned a lot, and you became a better person after that relationship, so why not honor it from a distance? Thru gratitude we gain blessings. Today I’m grateful for all the suffering I went thru for it made me who I am today. I have an open heart, full of love to give because I know that my past wasn’t a failure but just a stop in my journey.