In the last two years I haven’t written as much. The lessons I’ve been learning have been slowly coming into fruitation. This 2020 year I have spent more time with myself than any other year and have finally healed. I think my identity finally transpired from cocoon into butterfly, it just took five years after my divorce.
I returned to my passion for art, I returned to connecting with the cosmos, putting energy into my house and I returned to being the best I could be to my body. That means eating healthy meals, staying away from drinking and discontinued the daily habits such as coffee.
In the transition of loosing my partner, my heart, my fur baby of ten years, I researched foods that could cause cancer and question the foods in my life. Every day things can eventually become toxic to the body since they use pesticides in almost every thing that is not organic. I realized my coffee, which I sometimes had twice a day wasn’t organic. Then I asked myself what was the purposes of the coffee ritual if I was waking up fine, not tired nor sleepy (lately I’ve been drinking it only if I wake up sleepy).
I did a tiny bit of online dating in the spring, 1!virtual date, and three in person dates. I then began to frequently see one guy as well as talk to someone who I stopped seeing in the end of 2019. I was very aligned with this new person. He was a great match for me, or so I thought. We both shared a love for cooking, the arts, music (but different taste), and he was open minded. But over six months I couldn’t get the feeling he had an open heart nor did I feel like anyone special in his life. Even though he did try to make plans to see me, I felt he was still distant via text. I didn’t feel that he was caring, thoughtful or he didn’t really make me laugh.
I realized I needed someone who matched me on an emotional level more than hobbies and activities.
We go thru life making a list of the things we want, a list carved out from our social norms that we have become part of but we forget that underneath all that list, lies an even greater need for emotional connection. An emotional connection is one hundred percent different than a sexual connection. It is where the foundation of a relationships should start, everything else is secondary.
You can find someone you have the best sex with and can do all the fun activities you want but when it comes to dealing with difficult times like death, depression, etc, you need someone who can be your backbone.
- Our relationship needs can be described thru a trinity: Spirit (emotional), Body (physical/sexual), and Cultural (values/hobbies/passions). If one is missing, I don’t think a relationship will flourish and flow as much as with someone who meets you with an open heart in all three. Since I had my revelation, I’ve discontinued to see that person who I felt wasn’t there for me during the loss of my best friend and have instead began to monogamously date the person from 2019, as he also connects with me in all three. Dating thru a pandemic has been super hard. We try to self quarantine 7 days prior to seeing each other, plus his kid and work schedule makes it pretty impossible to see each other frequent. So I can’t say I am in a serious relationship, as Covid keeps to continue to interfere with our daily lives.
I hope we see progress with the new vaccine and pray this new strain doesn’t fuck us over even more. Praying 2021 is a way better year for America and the world. Stay strong world!