How Do You Coexist When Your Lover Is On The Opposite Side Of Your Values

In the age where social media has made us more left and right than ever before, we face a battle war zone in and outside the digital world. Ten years ago my husband had different views as me but it wasn’t that apparent in our relationship. A person’s social views have now become such a strong part of a person’s identity and are shaping how we date. Bumble has made political views as one of the items to display on your profile, and you can verbalize your distaste for the President, helping your matches be more aligned with your views but what happens when people outside the dating apps come into your life with different views? Is there a way to still co-exist and thrive sexually? Does political views affect our libido even for hook-ups?

I describe myself as a very spiritual person (detached from materialistic things and people), as much as I try to not get involved in the polarity in our society right now, it’s hard for me to look away and not stand for what I believe in. I’ve always have believed in putting yourself in the shoes of another person and trying to understand another person’s point of view. So I recently did that. I spent 2.5 hours on video chat with someone who thought completely opposite from me. I learned how he came to where he is at on his political views and his thoughts on other human rights stand and can say I can understand his point of view much better but it did not make me any closer to accepting them. I think some of his point of views were based on his lack of knowledge on new research and lacking exposure to different social circles. This man is everything I physically have dreamed of, not only is he perfect on the outside but he’s my teenage crush from 17 years ago. So just imagine how torn I feel inside.

After the 2.5 hours of torture listening to his support for the opposite political figure, my heartbeat raced with the adrenaline, as I laid in bed and couldn’t fall asleep. I bet that it would have been a good ingredient for make-up sex. I was so angry but not at him, more at the fact that there was no way I could see us meeting in the middle. I asked myself will it matter in 4 years when this is all over. I asked myself is this correct? What is a spiritual being suppose to act when a person is completely opposite to them. It took me a few days to come up with an answer and conclusion. So here it is….

The universe brings good and bad things into our lives for a reason, mostly to teach us lessons. I know there’s a bigger reason why we met after 17 years later. Perhaps it was to learn to stop my anger and hatred for someone that has different political views as me and try to understand it, to digest it with calm and peace. Maybe he is supposed to learn something from me. I don’t know but learn to trust the universe. I think to realign yourself with serenity is powerful. It’s a challenge made to be conquered. I think because my personality is about living in the present I’ve concluded that this difference should not affect our casual long-distance sexual friendship. I don’t think differences in values are good when trying to have a long term relationship, as looks fade and the lust decreases over time. So, if you are seeing someone for a short period of time, just for the fun, try to have an open mind, learn to agree to disagree, learn to be mindful, and empathize with one another. Don’t stop being you and standing up for what you believe in, just be respectful to one another in your differences. 

Remember that sexual tension and attraction will eventually decrease over the years and then you are left with the core of a person. Make sure you choose to spend your time and energy accordingly to where you are in life.

Life is only temporary, and so are relationships.

For some stats on how Americans are dating based on their political views now. Check out this great article by Time


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