Am I Crazy?
If you would had told me that I wouldn’t be missing sex or porn at all last year I would of said no way. My entire life took a pause on March 13, 2020, along with the entire world where we all went into quarantine. No more dates, no more meeting up with friends, no bar-hopping, no shopping, no gym dates, no gym period, no drawing class, no running around rushing from one store to another, no driving to work, no talking to co-workers on a daily basis, no eating out, no more TJ Max or Marshalls (my stress reliever place), no bubble tea stops or coffee stops.
Anyone probably thinks how depressing, frustrating, and so boring to be alone quarantined, but instead, it is the complete opposite for me. I’m very grateful for my job and being able to work from home full time. As well as to live in a home where it’s peaceful. The pros are I get to be with my dogs all day, not walk a quarter-mile to the bathroom, and get to be in my sweats all day. The cons are I have a monitoring system, I feel guilty if my score for effectiveness isn’t high, feel more pressure to work harder as if I’m trying to prove I can work from home without a problem, creating balance between home and work life, and my butt get’s sore faster. There’s no getting up to make coffee or get water. The pressure really gets to me. But I’m not here to talk about work.
At first I started working out at home. I bought bungee cords and straps to try to make up for missed gym time. I was recovering from a past injury but unfortunately my injuries kept coming back. So I took a break and began painting again. Once I got back into it, it was like I couldn’t stop. An immense amount of freedom and pleasure came over me. I wasn’t thinking about anything else but being in the moment. My art skills improved, my intuition took over my hand, and after five years of not making work, I once again felt like an artist again.
I realized that in the last five years post grad school, I had dedicated my life to my office job, the gym, and then rushing everywhere while trying to maintain a comfortable life for me and my dogs. I had been using my free time to read, write, or create post for social media (avoiding making real art). I was constantly talking to new people and planning dates. All felt like work but finally I had time to pause.
By stopping weight training, I decreased my testosterone levels, which severely affected my sex drive. I had less interest in talking to men which was perfect because everyone I matched with didn’t write back. Lol. I assume they probably felt there was no point since we couldn’t meet. After a few weeks, I went on two virtual dates, and connected with better-suited individuals as I became extra picky with my matches (I created a filter for horoscope signs and only spoke to anyone who considered themselves spiritual). These interactions have been a test to see how deeply intellectually we can connect. Which makes the future exciting, where there’s a place for discovery and maybe new friendships.
So as you can see I’m grateful for this quarantine time, for it made a part of me that had died, come back to life. I can honestly say, I found my true love again. I think my heart only has room for one. This time has taught me when it comes to love, we should also love unconditionally our craft, our skills, our higher self regardless of where we are in our journey; regardless of how much of a failure we feel, regardless of how little we may feel or how clueless we sit. I encourage you to take this time, to spend on something you once loved, or to discover a new craft where you can get lost, and be found again.