A few days ago I was on the phone with my mother, who was feeling lonesome, depressed, and most of all tired of feeling alone. She said she might move back to our native country, where she can afford to pay someone to clean and cook, and perhaps have company for dinner. She had broken a glass while washing the dishes and a tiny piece flew down and hit her foot. She bled a lot, she’s now sobbing on the phone, explaining how scared she felt, with no one to call, feeling alone and helpless to figure out how to stop the bleeding. Her panic mode, made her sit down and google how to stop bleeding. If you know my mom, you would know this was very unlike her. She’s the queen of home remedies and solutions to emergencies. She’s 79, lives in sunny Florida, and is retired. My mother suffers addiction to Facebook, youtube, online card games, and Jesus. Smh.
It broke my heart to hear her so sad, it made me feel depressed that I wasn’t a good daughter that would live near by to keep her company, or that I wasn’t a good daughter to call her more often or message her more often. She explained how she knows we are very different and how she knows I’m happy being alone but she can’t be because her entire life she spent it in the company of her mother aka my grandmother, who she took care of financially and cohabited with her entire life. She said she wasn’t use to cooking only for one person, even though here we are 10 years plus since my grandmother passed away. I know her scary moment she had, really hit home and the realness of solitude was eating her up.
I hung up, analyzing my situation, and questioning if it was normal for me to feel so content alone. I questioned why I was so different from my mother, and wondered if I too at her age would feel the same. Will I start to talk about death more often, will I start to give up on things such as cleaning and cooking. The fact, we are so different, exactly 45 years apart in age, really shows. We are from different worlds. Where my generation relies on the power of independency, education, and growth, and hers on the survival mode of the workforce, family structure, and religion.
Growing up I found my own entertainment by drawing and building homes for my barbies, while my mom craved having siblings and attention because she didn’t have it growing up. Tonight I sit here alone, my choice. I always have something to do, whether it’s reading, writing, making art, working on my body, booty, or mind, I’m always busy. Loneliness doesn’t knock at my door. Yes, it would be nice to have a neck rub, or feel the company of someone else, but it definitely doesn’t out weight my need of spending time on myself, my dreams, my goals. Am I too selfish? I don’t think so, like everything there should be balance and at the moment there isn’t anyone worth my time to dedicate my little time to them. My dogs keep me company and to be honest, they are all the company I need. The nightmares of relationship drama and pressures don’t sound appealing. Perhaps yes I’m jaded but overall I’m happy with my solitude. It gives me the time I need to focus on important things. I hope the desire for growth is everlasting and my dreams, ideas, and missions keep increasing as I age. I don’t want to have Loneliness knocking on my door.
If you ended a relationship, or find yourself lonely, please don’t try to fill up that void with meeting endless amounts of people. It will drain you, defeat you, disappoint you, and most of all eat up your precious time of life. Here are some of ideas on how to make solitude your friend~
TIPS TO HAVING HAPPY SOLITUDE
- Date yourself (Eat something yummy, watch something YOU want to watch, go shopping)
- Practice self love (lotion your body, take a bathe, get your hair/nails done, get a massage)
- Self reflect (Write in a journal, write your dreams, your regrets, your thoughts that you haven’t said out loud, decompress with writing)
- Stay busy (whether it’s business, homelife, or community- stay active!)
- Keep your body active (join a gym, yoga class, dance class, run outdoors)
- Keep your mind active (read, learn a new language, meditate, envision, plan ahead)
- Give yourself goals (whether it’s business, homelife or self improvement)
- Get a pet!! RESCUE! There’s nothing like the unconditional love from a pet.
- Be mindful, be present (stop worrying over things you cannot control, let go, forgive, move on- be present)
- Be grateful for the little things in your daily life, practice gratitude every day. 2 mins in the morning or at night.