Are We Just Getting Use To Being Alone?

One of the top perks of your thirties is the ability to date a twenty something year old and also date someone old enough to be the parent of your booty call. I also get to self reflect on my past dating habits and evaluate my growth but it seems like the older we get, the more set in stone our ways are and the stricter our list gets, as if we had the perfect virtual buffet to choose from for eternity.

Since when did solitude seem better than being with someone who made you happy short term because a lifetime with them seemed too long?

This is the HOOK UP GENERATION… Where we choose what is easy, safe, and fun, because life is too short to feel pain, accept challenge, and risk loosing in the game of love. Perhaps the increase of dating apps can be a sign of how our species’ mating habits are changing as we speak. Maybe this is the beginning to the end of marriages and beginning of just complicated relationships? Where one person leaves it open because they think it’s greener on the other side, and the other continues because, well just because it’s easy and stable. Some people are choosing something stable because their lives are so busy, always moving, always rushing and never enough time. Monogamish is growing at a rapid pace while others still try to aim for a lifetime relationship till death do us apart. I’ve noticed a big separation, similar to the republicans and democrats. You either think there’s this magical one, or you have realized you are the magical one.

This year I discovered it took me 10 years to feel a very deep spiritual connection with someone, and it took me one day to feel defeated losing at love. Left empty handed, with only a cup of tears, and a head filled with questions I remembered back to when I was young, wondering if it was easier to fall in love back then? Questioning my struggle to fall in love again as an adult and feeling little faith in the future. If everyone else is like myself, and struggles with falling in love as an adult, what does this mean to the evolution of mating, relationships, and cohabiting?

It seems like if you haven’t found your mate in your 20’s (when you are still building your character, identity, and life) then it’s harder to find one post your adolescent. All my girlfriends mothers are single. They didn’t remarry after their husband’s died, or they just never remarried after they got divorced, and my mother didn’t even get married. What does that mean to our generation? Are women becoming so independent and wealthy enough to completely disregard potential partners as life partners due to our high standards? Professor David M. Buss, Author of The Dangerous Passion explains women are less likely to settle for someone of less educated, less intelligent, and less professionally successful than they are. We accept casual sex, without growing attached, and remain looking for the “one” through the waves of our libidos.

The term “waithood” coined in 2008 was developed to describe adolescents who are waiting to move out of their parents home and who are waiting to get married due to economic strains. This term is being used globally as Diane Singerman, associate professor at the American University, Washington, DC describes in her findings.

Marcia Inhorn, professor at Yale University, asks “Why are people putting off marriage, why is the age of marriage rising around the world, and [why are there] delays in childbearing? There were different reasons in different places, but it’s a global trend,” Inhorn says. “Especially as women seem to be rising educationally around the world, often outstripping the achievements of their male peers.”  

If women are being picky, what are men doing? Why are there so many fuckboys, why are men too coward to take a chance at love, and why are so many so easily distracted by the idea that the grass is always greener somewhere else? I have a few thoughts but I will stop here before I spend an hour talking about shame and sexuality.

In conclusion, let’s try to live in the present, and if something is amazing, don’t rush, spend time, invest in that connection, rather than think about the “imaginary” list we have created in our heads. Sometimes we need to take risks, for the sake of love.

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