What does it mean to have chemistry?
Is chemistry when you meet someone and it feels like you’ve known them for so long? Does it means you constantly keep laughing and exchanging stories fluidly? Does it mean finding them attractive? What does your body look like when you have chemistry? How do you know that you truly like a person beyond just their physical appearance, and what does it mean when you only like them for their physical appearance?
I’ve read constant eye contact is a sign, mirroring one another naturally is a sign, light physical touch gestures is also a sign, but what does it mean when you honestly don’t know? How does it mean to really enjoy someone’s company but not feel one hundred percent able to commit into something sexual? You might ask yourself, why, what’s wrong with me? He’s so nice, he has a stable job, he appears to be a good son to his parents, he’s not bad looking, he’s smart, but why don’t I feel crazy about him, like when you see a fuckboy and some how you’re already naked before questioning anything?
Why is it that our minds and bodies don’t communicate sometimes?
I’ll tell you why….
It’s our intuition. Something D E E P inside that knows something your mind doesn’t, but your body feels.
Sometimes we suppress our intuition with alcohol. We can’t hear what our inner self is trying to tell us because our mind is clouded by a temporary feeling of excitement and party mode but our intuition is deep inside trying to talk to you.
Since I’ve cut back on drinking, going out weekly, and going on dates with pretty boys, I’ve learned to listen to my body more, listen to the inner voice that doesn’t say much but communicates thru vibrations and emotions. A clear feeling “of do not touch me” comes above my conscious mind and skin. I laugh and smile, I have a good time but feel zero sexual desire. Could it be my hormones are changing? No, many older women are still super horny. It’s not that, could it be the sense of lack of income stability? No, it’s not that, I’ve dated musicians and artists. What is it? Why is it that my body feels like rejecting a nice guy? I don’t know, except that I need to T R U S T my intuition. After discussing a little bit about there being no desire there to be intimate with him, I realize what I was picking up was pretty on point, which was he was super focused on having sex even though he completely acted like a gentleman, i still felt like an object, an object of desire. What’s fucked up is I know if the same caressing from Johnny Depp or another lover, I would of welcomed it with grace, but not this guy. Last night was our second date, and I recall feeling the same way on our first date when we sat on a sofa outside the restaurant and he touched my leg, I immediately created boundaries and pulled away.
There are things our conscious mind doesn’t understand, perhaps it’s fear, perhaps it’s where our star constellations are, I will not know but one thing I’ve learned has been to listen to my gut. For it is our third eye, that see’s what we cannot see. Remember your feelings are valid and don’t need any explanation. When there’s R E A L spark, there are no questions, there is no bracing yourself, and there are no boundaries. Two souls feel free and wild, and join to celebrate the sparks one finds with another.
Even though I felt like I had known this guy for years on our first date, there was something there that didn’t allow me to let go, and fully submit to this person. I had the need to maintain boundaries, take things slow, and it made me realize by our second date that I only felt feelings of friendship. Glad today I’m not regretting anything, no boundaries were crossed, and I’m feeling loyal to myself and that’s all that matters!