Have you ever met a person that you can’t believe how good looking they are and you feel the Impostor syndrome? As if you wouldn’t be good enough for them. Wake up bitch you are!
Anyways, so you try to be the best you can be, you know, spend extra time on your make-up, hair, wardrobe, and a little longer at the gym. They don’t check off all the other boxes but their body and face make up for it since they aren’t stuck up. A few dates in, and you start seeing the flags. Not red flag but the black flags. What are those? You know the ones that make you realize this piece of work only cares about one thing and that is, pussy.
Men who are truly interested in you for LONG TERM, WILL ask you more detailed questions. They will show more interest in WHO YOU REALLY ARE. They will investigate the most they can. If you are a writer, they will ask what you write about, they will ask about your journey, if you are an artist, they will ask to see your work.
Here’s a good list of THE BLACK FLAGS:
DOESN’T CARE ENOUGH TO ASK ABOUT YOU (YOUR PASSIONS, YOUR JOURNEY)
DOESN’T HAVE ANY EMPATHY IF YOU ARE SICK- DOESN’T EVEN OFFER TO BRING YOU SOUP OR COLD MEDS
ASK YOU FOR EXACT TIMES TO SCHEDULE AROUND YOU, ALWAYS WANTING TO BE AVAILABLE FOR OTHER HOES
DOESN’T TAKE TIME TO ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR DAY
LITERALLY TELLS YOU THEY DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP BUT WANT TO KEEP SEEING YOU
DOESN’T MAKE YOUR ORGASM A PRIORITY
If you come across this type of man. Wake up bitch, the man is guarded. The man only cares about himself. Don’t give your heart to this man, he’s not worth it. #Next
One evening I was home getting ready to go to bed when this guy I had hooked up with a few months ago hit me up wanting to see me. It was about 9pm. He lived an hour and half away. I said “It’s too late and you live so far”. He insisted in coming over stating he really wanted to see me. The naive nineteen year old (14 years ago) me thought wow he must really like me that he wants to see me so bad and drive so long to see me. I felt special and bad for denying him to come over so I said “Fine, come over but all we are doing is sleeping because I have to go to bed. I have to work tomorrow”. He said “That’s fine, I just want to see you”.
At the time I was renting a room from a co-worker. I felt uncomfortable bringing any guy over especially if it was just for hooking up. I really didn’t want to have sex. I was tired, sleepy, and scared of waking up my roommate. I had to sneak this guy into my bedroom thru the sliding glass door of my bedroom. We laid in bed, cuddled and whispered as we talked. I think we might had made out. As I began to fall asleep I could feel his hands all over me. He wouldn’t stop touching me. I became so annoyed. All I wanted was to sleep. I told him “I really want to go to bed, it’s very late”. He said “Ok, ok”. Then a few minutes later he would start again. He laid so close to me that I could feel how hard he was. At this moment. I had a choice, one, get up and ask him to leave, or just give in, so he would stop harassing me. I had no sexual desire for him, but I went ahead like an idiot and gaved in just so I could be left alone to sleep. I never spoke to him again.
Then a few months later, I went out to a bar and bumped into a co-worker who looked like Fabio. He was tall, handsome, about 10–15 years older than me, and a ladies man. He was more like a hot beach bum though. A waiter, who hung around the beach all the time. I was attracted to him but didn’t want to sleep with him because I perceived him as a slutty guy to be honest. Well we are at the bar and he’s buying me drinks I think. I tell him no more because I have to drive home. He says “Oh, don’t worry you can stay at my house. I live just down the street. Don’t worry I have a sofa that I can sleep on”. I say “ Awesome. Yes I would like that. I don’t want to drive home it’s a far drive.” So we go, as he shows me his studio apartment that was a block from the beach, he tells me to lay down on his bed. I don’t recall if we kissed or not. All I know is that I told him I was not having sex with him but he insisted, and before I knew it he was looking for a condom. I let him insert into me wishing I hadn’t accepted his “kind” gesture. When he’s done, I rushed into the bathroom to wash up. I recall feeling gross and stupid for allowing that to happen. I recall feeling like I had no choice when in fact I did. I could had screamed “STOP”, I could of turned over once he laid behind me, I could had pushed him away but I didn’t. I don’t think I feared for my life nor that I was being raped. Consent back in the early 2000’s looked very different than how it does now.
I look back wishing I knew better back then. Wishing I had known that I had a voice and my feelings were valid. Wishing that it was ok to say NO and really stand my ground. From all the stories I hear there’s one thing in common, WOMEN ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO SAY NO. Now what does that mean? Well it means we give too much shit what others think, what he thinks, how he feels, how he has a need and somehow we are responsible to help him release this urgency. In the last fourteen years I have learned to say NO but it took a few tries. I learned that if you invite a guy over to sleep over and tell him you only want to sleep 9/10 he’s going to try to change your mind. Therefore…
) DON’T HAVE A GUY SLEEP IN YOUR BED UNLESS YOU ARE PLANNING ON SLEEPING WITH HIM.
) DON’T EXPECT SPOONING IS JUST SPOONING. We are animals, BOTH sexual beings. You’re mind might be saying “This is a bad idea, I shouldn’t sleep with him” but your pheromones are totally saying something else. Do you wonder why guys don’t listen to your hints that you aren’t interested?Your tone of voice, your scent, your body temperature, your lips, and your cheeks all change. Biologically we are made to want to have sex, to reproduce, to unite and mix genes. So QUIT putting yourself in a situation where you know you don’t want to be in. Your body will signal it wants to mate if you feel turned on just a tiny bit. So when you guys are smashing faces and you feel a tad tingly, know that your body is saying YES. So be aware of that and take action if you know you don’t want to have sex by STOPPING making out and COMMUNICATING BLUNTLY!
) IF HE’S NOT LISTENING TO YOUR REASONS WHY YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX, OR YOUR PLAIN NO, CHANGE IT UP AND SAY “NO MOTHERFUCKER!” and walk out. There is no reason why you need to be nice, polite, or care what he might think of you. Stand your ground PROUD and make sure you are BLUNT, CLEAR, where there is no chance of misleading anyone.
) DON’T SUCK HIS DICK AND THEN SAY LATER THAT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE SEX, OR THAT YOU FELT OBLIGATED. Stop acting like men can read minds. If they see you giving them foreplay and you are also receiving there is NO WAY in hell he’s going to think you are not interested in having sex. GIVE A FUCK MORE ABOUT YOU, THAN HURTING HIS FEELINGS OR FEELING GUILTY because he paid for dinner and drinks.
****BE HONEST, SPEAK UP, AND SAY NO LIKE YOU MEAN IT!****
If you care about this person and are scared of confrontation say the following:
) Say “I’m sorry but I’m not ready for that step”; explain what you are ready for and want.
) Say “Sorry but I don’t have sex without a condom, I’m not on birth control”.
) Say “Sorry but I have an yeast infection right now”
) Say “Sorry I’m on my period, and it’s bad right now”
) Say “ I’m in the part of my cycle where I have zero sex drive right now, maybe next week we can attempt again”
When A Stranger Becomes A Friend And Then A Stranger
Drawing by Simon Richards
It was about a year ago when we met. He approached me while I waited for a beer and asked to pet my dogs at a small town concert park. He was shorter than what I usually date, wore glasses, and bald. He dressed very simple but you could tell he had style and good taste. His name was Bob.
Oh Bob… We chatted quickly and discovered we both were sculptors. He was in shock, a conceptual artist like me was living in his small town. It was as if he had just discovered gold. His eyes and body language all lite up. We exchanged phone numbers shortly because he had to leave to have dinner with his sister.
I left the beer tent area and went to find my neighbor as I walked to her, a few guys started talking to me. One in particular pressured me to take his phone number wanting to go dancing after the concert. At first I was interested but the more I spoke to him the more I regretted giving him my number. I went and sat down on a picnic blanket with my neighbor. About an hour passed when the second guy from the night came over and tried to get me to chat with him. I was so not interested, so I looked at my phone and realized Bob had messaged asking if I was still at the concert. Then as I glanced up, there was Bob standing in front of me with two beers in his hands. One for me and one for him. I don’t know why but I immediately felt something strong for him. I knew he was different. Oh boy was I wrong.
That night he walked me home and we talked non- stop but before we arrived to my house he confessed he was married and getting divorced. I was super surprised since it came out of nowhere. I empathize for him since I had gone thru a divorce very recently. He gave me a pop kiss good night as we said goodbye. As I walked into my house I recall feeling excitement for the unknown.
Bob sent a few text messages throughout the following week and seemed normal. Well one day I arrive home after work and my neighbor approaches me as I’m walking out of my car and asks if I know a bald guy with glasses. I immediately get alarmed. They tell me he was circling around the block and kept looking around. So he approached him to question him what he was doing, turns out he knew him from high school. I quickly let him know I had just met him and he had walked me to my house after the concert one day and that was about it.
I don’t recall if I then texted Bob or Bob texted me but he ends up telling me he kept circling because he wasn’t sure where I lived and he had something he wanted to drop off. So I tell him, it’s the house on the corner and he comes over with a rose carved out of stone. Who in the hell carves a girl he just meets a fucking rose made out of stone? I was in on cloud 9. I thought it was so sweet, intense but romantic. I accepted it. We talked so more and I realized that his situation was as it seemed. He was still living with his wife and they still hadn’t gone thru any divorce paper procedures. I explained the only thing I could offer him was my friendship. He agreed that was the best but his body language and interactions really said something else. He seemed so intrigued by me and like he never wanted to leave. We made a date that weekend where we went to an art museum, did a little shopping where he insisted in buying me something from one of my favorite stores and then had dinner. He was truly a gentleman and someone I could really see myself with.
Towards the end of the night, we sat in my basement and we shared some very personal things. I wasn’t expecting him to stay after our date but he didn’t seem to want to leave, so I invited him to stay longer. He kissed me once but it was very non-sexual. We drank a bottle of champagne. I offered him my guest bedroom to stay the night or my bed to share but clarified that he couldn’t cross the line and it would be strictly sleeping. He agreed to stay. Nothing past that happened. We went to bed and when I woke up he was gone. I was like WTF, wondering what time he had left. Then immediately after I woke up he texted me he went to get us coffee. He said his daughter had messaged him that she heard noises in their house and was home alone and scared. I thought it was strange since his daughter was sixteen. I let it go and accepted his answer.
I don’t recall how many days or weeks passed but I know I had sent him a text that was very innocent and received a text back, saying “Only friends”. I knew then that his wife had his phone. I responded, “..duh”. Then I didn’t hear from him for a few days. Then a weird number calls me. I answer and it’s him calling from his grandparents house. He tells me his wife saw my message and got mad and threw his phone. Then I knew everything he had been telling me was definitely way off than the reality. I told him I had to go, I was on my way out to the gym. He said he wanted to get away from home and was staying at his grandparents house and that they weren’t there. He was contemplating whether he should drink or not. I think I told him, to go ahead and relax there, or something along those lines. So I hang up, and walk to the gym, work out about 45 mins. As I’m sitting on the reclining leg press, I look up and notice this mother fucker standing at the locked door with a water bottle up in the air. I almost fell over. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe he had followed me to the gym. I rushed over to open the door, and asked what he was doing there. He’s response was “I thought you needed water”. Being a good friend, I figured he just needed someone to talk to. I had empathy for him. I knew how it felt to be going thru a divorce and still live in the same household. We chatted a little while I did my last set on another machine. We offered to give me a ride home, so I accepted.
We got to my house within 2 minutes or less. I walk in, set my gym bag down. And somehow manage to chit chat standing in my kitchen. My dogs then begin barking. It’s about 10-11pm at night. They NEVER bark, especially so late at night. I thought it was odd. I let them outside and they continue barking and run to the wooden fence that surrounds my entire back yard. I begin to really think that’s odd. Nothing comes to my head except that I feel safe since I own a gun. I tell Bob about my gun and he’s impressed and asks what kind, so I proceed to ask him if he wants to see it. I bring the dogs inside, lock the doors, and walk to my bedroom to pull out my gun. I open the case, empty out the bullets, and hand it to him. Then he hands it back to me and says that’s nice. All of a sudden, BLAP!! A loud noise is made outside my front door. I jump, and we both run towards the living room. I’m still holding the gun (no bullets); scared shitless. Still thinking so naïve, literally thinking it’s a spirit rather than an intruder. Lol.
I yell at Bob, and say “That noise was my front glass door”, the door that is in front of my main house door. He begins to star thru the peephole. He sees no one. It’s dark. He opens the front door, peeks his head out and screams out “HELLO?”….”Anyone there?”. He steps out a little further, turns towards the fence area and garage and yells “Stephanie??” My heart drops, and then I remember I had joked at some point in the night, at gym or inside the truck, saying “Your wife probably follows you” and laughed. He yells “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”, she response “NO BOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”. At this point I can’t believe this is happening on my front lawn, wondering when is the policing going to get called and when are the neighbors going to come out and watch this?
She begins to walk closer to my front door, I come out and yell “STAY RIGHT THERE!”, and show her my gun. Lol. NO IDEA what in hell I was thinking. It was pure instinct. I knew the gun was unloaded, but at this point of shock, Bob doesn’t remember and asks me “Is it loaded”, I reply with a smart ass comment “You just saw it”. Not answering him at all. She replies “I’m not like that, you have nothing to worry. I just want to know why my husband is doing here. Do you know he was married?” and I reply “Yes, he told me you guys were getting a divorce”. She laughs, and then tries to insult me. Bob interferes and tells her there’s no reason to try to hurt me. I haven’t done anything. She then tries to tell me then why I have I tried to come on to her husband and force kiss him and begged for him to sleep with me. I literally laugh and say “Em, NO, that’s definitely not true”. Not once have we slept together, nor have I ever tried. I only have offered him my friendship. In this back and forth discussion, she tells me things that I have only told Bob in privacy. She says things like that Bob would never be with me because I’m too something. I literally can’t remember her exact words. That’s how zero value I held on to her words but I knew that OH BOB, had been lying to both of us and playing us.
This geeky, nerdy, man who acted like he wanted to be my friend and was the best husband had been using me as pawn to make his wife jealous and want him again. I then found myself acting like a therapist between them arguing. When she couldn’t shut the fuck up and let him talk, I told them to get the fuck off my property.
AND I NEVER HEARD OR SAW BOB EVER AGAIN!!!!
THE END!
I definitely learned a lot with that friendship and situation. No matter how nice someone is, if you feel like they are judging you and using you, go with your gut and abort mission (friendship). Also don’t ever believe a man that tells you he’s separating or getting divorce unless you see proof!!
Desperation is something most people aren’t aware of when displaying it. Be cautious how you treat your person of interest. Here’s my story of how a guy who went from fun to annoying real quick.
Last year I went to a Christmas party with an old friend who’s also a fwb. We kinda agreed to go to this party together but mind you, this guy has a gf. He said he told her he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore but they live together for convenience. As I stood by a corner drinking my drink and talking to my fwb, I look over and this very handsome man with threads is smiling at me huge and waves hello. I look at my date and ask if he knows him, thinking he was saying hello to him. Before I know it, this guy has me twirling on the dance floor making my night way more fun! He tells me that he asked my friend if I had a bf and he said no, not that he knew. He also said he had a gf. Still not sure if that part is true. Either way my fwb definitely didn’t stand up for himself and say “Back up dude, she’s with me”, or something along those lines. Wouldn’t you want to protect or keep things clear if someone is trying to steal your date?
Anyways, Mr. Dreads and I take a break from dancing and sit on a nearby sofa. We chat for awhile. I then get up to go to the bathroom and see my FWB guy grabbing his coat and getting ready to leave. I loudly say “What are you doing? NO, don’t leave”, he tells me he thought I had already left. I tell him ” I’m going to the bathroom, don’t leave!” and sure enough when I came back out he was gone.
At this point I’m pretty tipsy. My new date is not. He doesn’t really drink heavy. We go back to his place (which I was thankful for because I was in no condition to drive home) which was very very close. The more time I spend with him, the more I think this guy is so wonderful. Next morning, I wake up thinking OMG this guy has HUGE threads! Definitely someone out not my type. I discover he’s a stock broker, who bought an investment house, rents out the first floor and lives on the second floor. So he was smart with money and seemed ambitious. He was also a DJ. His decor of his house wasn’t bad and he had lots of love for his cats. I literally thought, wow, I finally met someone decent and worth my time. Before I walk out the door this guy tells me he’s ready for a girlfriend and I’m like “Oh, really?” and he immediately says “Yeah but not with you”, I must of had the face of WTF.
Then he tells me he’s looking for a Jewish girlfriend and I reply with “cool”. Well after that day, this guy has tried constantly to hangout again. I went out with him twice after our first night and then I was done. He tried to convince me to play with his circumcision scar because if caused him extra sensation (I was so grossed out and said nooo). His hair also smelled like dirty laundry. When he was at my house he tried on my robe because it looked cozy. Well he left my robe smelling like BO even though he had showered. I was so over this guy. On top of that he thought he was super smart when in fact he wasn’t as knowledgeable as he thought. He was four years younger than me but still. Even though there was all these weird things, I still appreciated that he allowed himself to be vulnerable by showing he wanted affection and intimacy. What ended his streak and hit him blindsided was that he didn’t see what I saw and that was the fact that he was feeling lonely and bored. His constant attempts of hanging out even after I declined nicely, showed this wasn’t about me. This wasn’t that he missed me, or that he wanted to see me. This was strictly him reaching out to fulfill his emptiness; he was bored and didn’t feel like having to meet a new girl to talk to. He thought I was easy and fun. After I got tired of saying no, I finally said a FINAL no and explained a little on how I was feeling. He finally understood once I told him I didn’t want to be a choice out of boredom but a real choice. I could have looked passed all the bad qualities but I value myself more than to spend it with someone who doesn’t value me for me.
LEARN TO VALUE YOUR TIME!
If my date isn’t providing me with entertainment, passion or laughter then he’s not worthy of my time. This might sound selfish but in reality we have to do the things that make us HAPPY! Life is too short to go on shitty dates, Life is too busy to waste it on people that are negative, or bland. Life is about taking chances, but also choosing wisely! Dating isn’t easy but one way to start conquering it, is by making YOU HAPPY first!! Don’t forget that!
TIPS FOR MEN AND WOMEN ON HOW NOT TO LOOK DESPERATE:
Don’t over call, don’t over text, don’t do it!!!
If he or she says no the first time you invite them somewhere, wait for them to try to make plans with you instead
If you ask a second time, don’t ask a third, wait for them to make the plans with you. If they truly want to see you, they will put the effort in making that happen. Don’t waste your time chasing who doesn’t want to be chased.
If speak on the phone and end on a good note, don’t call back a few hours later when you are free. Allow the other person to have their space, and miss you. Don’t get them tired of you before they even get to know you. A little conversation here, allows for longer conversations later.
Don’t tell your lady/guy that you are bored. No one wants to be with someone who isn’t motivated to do anything on their own. At this age in day, no one should be bored.
Don’t make the other person feel like they are your only choice, your last choice, or a choice out of boredome
Appear to be busier than you really are. It’s nice to not know all your shit or at least try guessing what you are up to. Leave your shit to the imagination. This creates lust for one another. I don’t need a diary page of what you did today. No one gives a shit.
Have deeper conversations and if you can’t have an intellectual conversation to keep him or her interested than make sure you are making them laugh or making them feel relaxed and at ease.
Offer a massage, foot rub, or something thoughtful. We gravitate towards people who show empathy.
Don’t text her/him as soon as you wake up and don’t text good night. Unless you are in a serious committed relationship, DON’T TEXT those type of messages. Shows you have nothing better to do. Always appear busy. We like people who are striving to be better at life, and bettering themselves.
Don’t send a bunch of selfies and your dick. We get that you like your muscles and your dick.
My date with a Finance fuckboy started with drinks at a small local bar. As I walked in, he immediately recognized me. I was very surprised how handsome he was in person but looked younger than what I would have prefered. I thought immediately well this is going to be short and sweet. He was too good-looking. You know, that pretty boy look. Where the guy might be better looking than you. We sat at a four top where we started to do the usual get to know each other chat (boring talk). I think we kinda started syncing when we both said “Same, same but different” at the same time. It was cute. By this time he told me his mother had breast cancer for a second time and wasn’t planning on quitting her smoking habit which was a total downer to our conversation. He also told me he was obsessed with football and that was a total turn off since I’m not into sports. I acted supportive when I mentioned we should move to the sofa next to the fireplace where he could watch the game.
After two beers, we left and went to my favorite bar down the street which was playing live music. I started talking to a guy next to us. Made some small talk and before we knew it, he was obsessing with my date and was offering him a high paying job. He also started buying us VERY expensive drinks. Without knowing, I was gone quick! Then we went to a dive bar nearby. Apparently I made him dance with me when no one else was dancing and everyone was watching us. Lol. At some point some other guy was trying to hit on me on the dance floor and our new friend we made, came up to him and said “HEY, she’s with him, back off” Lol. It was definitely a night to remember, sad part is I barely remember it.
Next morning, he started freaking out he had a hickey on his neck and when I mean freaking out, he’s literally online looking up remedies one after the other and telling me he’s fucked. It turns out the next day he had a huge presentation to give in the company. He thought it would get him fired if he showed up with a hickey. For the next two hours we spent trying to hide this hickey. I tried some of my make up and gave him lessons on how to apply it. Then I went with him to the pharmacy to help him choose a right skin tone concealer. He purchase like 4 other things to help it go away. We were starving and wanted to eat bbq, so we waited 15 mins until the restaurant opened. While we waited in the car, I applied ice for a few minutes and then rubbed something hard across the hickey. I don’t remember what it was, think it might had been a credit card, or comb. I offered to pay for our brunch since I felt super guilty for causing this huge hickey on his neck. Which didn’t even look like a hickey, it was a line across his neck instead of a spot. We had a good brunch where we fought our hangover and laughed thru it.
At this point, I felt like I wouldn’t see him again even though we were having a good time. It didn’t seem like we had much in common and I didn’t want to date someone who would freak out to that extend over a hickey. Plus I really didn’t think he was interested in me, or attracted to me. I felt older than him, even though he was very successful in his career and spoke as if he was 10 years older than me.
The following days he started hitting me up on snapchat and asking to see me again. I was surprised but thought why not. I wanted to see him but because I was so busy and he was traveling two weeks passed by and we still hadn’t seen each other again. Then I started seeing someone else who wasn’t as attractive but I had a lot more in common. The new guy knew I wasn’t looking for a relationship and that I was openly dating. Therefore I was still exchanging snapchats with Finance guy and one day he sends me a picture of a close up of his face with his ski helmet. He looked like a different person. So I replied asking him if he gained 10 pounds because he looked like a different person. I was expecting an answer like “Oh I’ve been eating like shit and drinking daily” but instead I got FUCK YOU, I’M SICK. YOU ARE DICK, AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH….Literally super mean, as if he was trying to punch me with his words. I immediately got flashback of my ex husband so I replied with a short response of “Wow” and blocked his ass!!
My message to him was definitely more of a joke than a serious offensive attack, but I understand how it could be taken the wrong way but I don’t think anyone should start cursing at someone in order to defend oneself especially at something so silly.
Sometimes when the other person is too good-looking, they think they are the shit and belong on a pedestal. Avoid fuckboys who ask for nudes on snapchat like this loser. Avoid men who call your dogs ugly!!! Avoid men who can’t handle hickeys like real men. Avoid small dicks 😉 and dicks!
And for those still reading, just know the hickey was pretty much gone the next day. He didn’t have to use make-up to cover it or come up with some lie to explain the bruise line. He also still has my very expensive compact make- up (which I knew would be a lost once I gave it to him). Lesson learned!
We live in a time that everyone has a busy life, where our free time is very precious and to waste an evening with someone you can’t stand is criminal. Valuing your time is the best choice you can make. With the non-stop swiping, and constant switching message windows from person to person, it’s hard to choose who you want to go on a first date with.
STEP 1: SWIPE ONLY FOR PEOPLE WHO YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF KISSING AND HAVE A BRAIN
I normally start with five matches (being picky that I am), then I narrow it down to three guys. I try to give everyone a chance but a chance doesn’t mean a date. I’ll talk to them until I get to the point where I either get bored or figure out they don’t meet my standards and we have zero in common. I kindly tell them I’m no longer interested, where then they try to convince me that I’m wrong in not giving them a chance or say “But we haven’t even met, how do you know we aren’t a good match?”. Last week I almost replied “Cuz you are annoying AF” but I was too nice and just didn’t reply after they told me how much I was missing out and their ongoing list of qualities he thought I would be impressed by. Which just made me feel reassured that my instinct was right. I’ve learned not to waste time on people who aren’t worth of mine.
STEP TWO: LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCT! CHOOSE A GUY THAT IS SHOWING INTEREST IN YOU BY ALSO PUTTING WORK INTO HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOU. THIS MEANS, HE SHOULD BE ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE AND PICKING UP THINGS FROM YOUR PROFILE TO ENGAGE MORE WITH YOU.
STEP THREE: PICK SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO REGARDLESS WHO HE IS (SOMETHING YOU COULD ENJOY ALONE OR WOULD DO EVEN IF HE WASN’T TAKING YOU THERE).
Don’t think that every person you go on a date is applying for the husband position. MOST LIKELY they WON’T BE THE ONE. You have to look at dating as something FUN. Now how can we know whether we will have fun or be entertained? The question you should ask yourself HOW DO I HAVE FUN REGARDLESS OF WITH WHO I AM WITH? For me it’s DANCING AND DRINKS. I love it! Anything with music is my thing. So I make sure that my date has either live music or dance music. Which is a test on how it would be if we would be a couple. It’s the ultimate test on doing something you love and know you wouldn’t want to get rid of in your life. If this new guy has something negative to say about the ambience of your good juju, then obviously he is NOT the one.
WHO TO PICK?
One of the things I’ve learned this 2017 year is that I’m greatly entertained by knowledge. If my date is teaching me something or is sharing something so out of my range that I’m in awe at the story then I know I’m going to be entertained. Pick someone with adventurous or eventful career so they can entertain you with their stories. Lawyers are fun compared to the guy who works in a manufacturing warehouse. Musicians, travelers, and even swingers!
If a guy can get you to laugh over text, it’s always a good sign! It’s also a sign they are confident human beings. If a guy sends you more selfies than you take, take that as a note that they are arrogant and most likely not worth your time. They care more about appearance and lack intellectuality. They can’t formulate enough interesting conversations so they send you tons of pics. Soooo annoying!!
FIRST DATES CAN BE THE ULTIMATE TEST
Two weeks ago I decided to take a chance and meet a guy for the first time at the GYM as our first date and it was great! I felt like I didn’t lose anytime because I was doing what was on my TO DO LIST and doing what I WANTED to do! It was a test on how we would work out together, a test on his ability of lasting thru a hard workout, and how he treated women in a position where he could have the ability to show off or be a teacher.
The date went well, we set up a second date at the gym, with clean up at my place and drinks downtown. It went pretty well. Again, had a great time listening to an amazing band and having my favorite drinks. Third date is tonight…NEW YEARS EVE! Wasn’t sure how I felt about spending it with someone new but again I’m doing WHAT I WANT TO DO and that was stay home, make dinner and spend it with my pups, so why not share it with someone who is good company?
How can we become smarter at who we chose to spend our evenings with and how can we make it worth our time?
Being a Millennial and being single is not easy! Especially being newly divorced and playing catch up with the dynamics of dating again. There are countless apps for online dating. They can become addicting and take over your life before you know it. The only one that seems to keep your inbox emptier and under control is Bumble.
Each year our lives are more connected electronically. With the rise of cryptocurrency this past year, I’m pretty certain that being connected thru the internet will only become stronger and needed in our society even more so than what it already is. Social media is bottom line addictive. Studies show show how checking our phones produces endorphins and send happy wave messages to our brain, making us repeat it over and over again for that reward feeling. I’ve tried several times to de -attach myself from these online outlets but the struggle is real!! I can’t seem to cut off my online dating app even though every time I swipe it’s mostly to the left and maybe 1 in 100 to the right. Why can’t I stop relying on this app to meet someone special. So far I just keep getting disappointed or regretting agreeing to a date. I get home and look around and have a long list of things I should had been doing instead of going on a date with the wrong person.
I’m very picky with men I see, so when meeting someone in person isn’t as rewarding as you thought it would be, it’s almost a blow at your gut. I’m guilty of being a strong believer in giving people a chance even though I normally judge a book by it’s cover.
Looks aren’t everything. A man should be able to be intellectual and entertaining to keep my attention, or he should be a good dancer so I don’t run off with someone else. Lol. Even if the date is great, but the post sex sucks, how can you avoid having bad sex? How can we be so picky but wise enough to give a good guy a chance and see if he can make you laugh until your stomach hurts, or leaves you with your brain sparked? I think I’ve realized that I’m not being picky enough. Too many wasted dates so far. My laundry is piling up and I still haven’t vacuumed. I think the trick is to really start paying attention on the type of conversations you are having before meeting. What things do you have in common and how do they measure up to your NEED QUALITY LIST?
This weekend I went on a date with someone that my intuition told me wasn’t going to be good and OH BOY wasn’t I right. Not only was I right but more disappointed. Nothing like calling it out and then being shown in person your predictions. I know it’s not nice to stereotype people but at the end of the day, we are talking about odds. I knew this guy would be catholic and republican all based on where he was from and I DON’T think or act like either of those things, so why would I waste my time with someone I had zero common interest? The guy never answered my question about either prior, instead he responded with a witty answer avoiding to answer. I thought it was a smart move and figured I might as well give it a try, seconding guessing my intuition. He wasn’t as good looking as he was in his pictures and he had a horrible face scar that I never saw on his pictures (which wasn’t bad- more like a turnon) but it bothered me that I wasn’t made aware of it, or that it almost felt hidden from me. We danced a little and then he invited me over. As soon as I walked into his apartment I wanted to walk out. It was pretty empty, as if he had just moved there. There was a hammer on his nightstand (he said he used it for protection), and pretty much everything was blah, except for one photograph of a ski hill that I felt drawn to. His apartment was as boring as his personality. Which should had been a clue to how the sex would be too. He got tired quick and he doesn’t wear deodorant, so his body odor was horrible. I wanted to shower asap to get his smell off me. He didn’t care to please me, and his dick stopped working in the middle of it. He told me he needed medication but didn’t’ want to take it. So I insisted for him to take it. I didn’t go through all that trouble to be left with nothing but even after he took it, the sex didn’t last long. I quickly after asked him to take me back to my car. There was no way in hell I was staying over with him.
My decision to give me a chance was all due to the fact that my hormones were raging. It’s not easy being in your 30’s. Lol. So now I ask myself how can I stop myself from making similar mistakes? So now when I get this little negative thoughts in my head about a potential date, I will make sure to start listening cuz most likely your intuition knows better than your heart or pussy does.
We need to reevaluate how we pick them, and stop worrying about stereotyping. Follow your intuition. It know’s it’s shit. Don’t waste your time with someone who’s not going to add to your life in a positive way.
Towards the end of the night, we sat in my basement and we shared some very personal things. I wasn’t expecting him to stay after our date but he didn’t seem to want to leave, so I invited him to stay longer. He kissed me once but it was very non-sexual. We drank a bottle of champagne. I offered him my guest bedroom to stay the night or my bed to share but clarified that he couldn’t cross the line and it would be strictly sleeping. He agreed to stay. Nothing past that happened. We went to bed and when I woke up he was gone. I was like WTF, wondering what time he had left. Then immediately after I woke up he texted me he went to get us coffee. He said his daughter had messaged him that she heard noises in their house and was home alone and scared. I thought it was strange since his daughter was sixteen. I let it go and accepted his answer.
I yell at Bob, and say “That noise was my front glass door”, the door that is in front of my main house door. He begins to star thru the peephole. He sees no one. It’s dark. He opens the front door, peeks his head out and screams out “HELLO?”….”Anyone there?”. He steps out a little further, turns towards the fence area and garage and yells “Stephanie??” My heart drops, and then I remember I had joked at some point in the night, at gym or inside the truck, saying “Your wife probably follows you” and laughed. He yells “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”, she response “NO BOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”. At this point I can’t believe this is happening on my front lawn, wondering when is the policing going to get called and when are the neighbors going to come out and watch this?
